Hot and Cold
by Soap1
Summary: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black come from different homes, different backgrounds: one craves love, the other doesn't even know what love is. How will they end up together? SBRL. Slashy smut in later chapters - be warned!
1. Remus's Beginnings

CHAPTER 1

"You're getting divorced?" squeaked Remus.

John Lupin nodded solemnly, and he could sense his wife next to him doing the same. He took a deep pull off the cigarette between his two fingers. There was a perpetual haze of smoke following the man. His amber eyes, the ones his son had inherited, wouldn't meet Remus's.

"And we want you to know that this isn't your fault," cooed Linda softly.

"Like hell," scoffed Remus.

"Watch your language around your mother," snapped John.

John watched Remus's features sink into a dejected scowl. It was two days before he went to King's Cross Station to catch the Hogwarts Express. Remus had been excited for days, weeks. He'd been excited since he got his letter, a letter none of them had ever thought he'd receive.

John Lupin was once a kind, caring, soft-spoken man. He had gone to Hogwarts and afterward had become a specialist in Muggle Relations working for the Ministry. Linda Johnson had been the British Prime Minister's secretary. Love at first sight, that was the best way to describe it. Even though the only thing Linda had known about John was that the Prime Minister locked the door whenever he came around, she had been taken with him from the moment their eyes met.

The couple eloped six months later. And six years after that, John Lupin made the biggest mistake of his entire life.

Remus had been five years old when John offended Fenrir Greyback. It was stupid, really. A meeting at the Ministry of Magic, and John had refused entry to Greyback. It was the day before the full moon. Werewolves were dangerous, and Greyback moreso than most. But that little, seemingly insignificant gesture had been enough to provoke Greyback's rage.

John wondered if Greyback had targeted Remus. The aging werewolf had positioned himself one hundred yards from the Lupin residence the following night. If John had only stayed up a bit later to read a bedtime story to his son, their nightly ritual, then Remus would have never been bitten.

Yes, Remus Lupin, at the tender age of five, had become a werewolf. And John blamed himself. John had never told Remus the reason he was a werewolf. He was too ashamed.

His letter had arrived a few months earlier, and the entire family was shell-shocked to receive it. Their Remus? Their son? Going to _Hogwarts_? Dumbledore had included a private note detailing the precautions that would be taken due to Remus's condition, but assuring the family that, in the end, Remus was welcome at the school and that talent such as his shouldn't be wasted without an education.

"We can't let him go," John had growled.

"Why not?" Linda argued back.

The couple was no longer even paying attention to poor Remus, sitting at the kitchen table and looking back and forth between his parents like it was some kind of violent tennis match.

"It isn't done!" cried John.

"What do you mean? This would be perfect for him! He could be among his own kind-"

"There won't be any other werewolves there," had said John angrily.

"I meant _wizards_, John," Linda snapped.

"Wizards hate werewolves! If word ever got out about his illness, he'd be expelled at best and executed at worst!" John roared.

"Executed!" cried Linda shrilly.

"It's not impossible," said John. "I've stayed far away from wizards because they just don't understand! You don't even understand!"

"But this Bumbledore man-"

"Dumbledore," corrected Remus with a small voice.

"Dumbledore!" Linda had continued, ignoring her son's interruption. "Dumbledore said that every precaution would taken! God knows he needs an education. He can't go to a normal school-"

"So Wizard schools aren't normal?" said John angrily.

"And you can barely _look_ at him, let alone _teach_ him anything about being what he is!" she continued without acknowledging his question.

John fumed silently. Linda had her arms crossed in front of her.

"I want to go," Remus had said quietly.

John's angry countenance didn't change.

"So be it," John had said before storming away and slamming the front door shut behind him.

Nothing had gotten better after that. John was still fighting with his wife. They had finally decided it was time for a divorce.

"I'll take you to the station Tuesday," said John.

Remus didn't verbalise a response. He just turned on his heel and disappeared to his room.

----

The night before he left for Hogwarts was the full moon. His mother gave him a kiss on the forehead, smoothing back his blonde hair, as she always did. Remus heard her turn the key in the lock behind her. He remembered searing pain, like every month, and then nothing until the next morning when his mother appeared again. She had fresh clothes for him, and some antiseptic solution for the inevitable cuts, scratches, and gashes that accompanied transformation.

"Your trunk's all packed, right, dear?" said Linda in a gentle voice.

Remus nodded.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered, hugging him close to her.

Remus didn't say it, but he was going to miss her, too. He had never been away from home. Ever. Not summer camp, not a stay at Grandma's, not even a weekend of fishing or hunting with his dad like most boys experience. His dad never did anything with him anyway. Remus was terrified, but at the same time, he was excited. A chance to be like every other young wizard! Once the fog of waking up after the transformation lifted, he let his lips curl into a smile.

"Come on, Remus," said Linda, helping him up after he'd changed. "Your dad's waiting."

Remus needed a bit of steadying as he descended the attic staircase. True to his mother's word, John Lupin was standing at the front door, smoking a cigarette as he sat on the edge of Remus's trunk.

"I love you," said Linda, hugging Remus tight again as though she wasn't going to let him go.

"I love you, mum," whispered Remus against her ear.

"Write to me!" she called as Remus walked out of the front door.

Remus nodded and waved to her.

"Good-bye!" she said, her hand clasped over her mouth to prevent her cries from escaping.

His father drove to King's Cross. He had never used magic in front of Remus, never used magic at all since Remus could remember, so they took the Muggle way to the Hogwarts station. The car ride was silent and smoky. Remus shrugged off his jacket, he was always boiling hot and the drive had been stifling. Once at the station, John Lupin carried Remus's trunk. He told Remus how to pass the barrier in a gruff and curt tone. He loaded the trunk onto the scarlet railroad train.

Remus glanced around the station nervously. There were young witches and wizards of all ages kissing their parents and siblings goodbye. Some looked much older than he, but many looked to be about his age. Remus turned to his father.

"Well, thanks for dropping me off," said Remus softly.

"Don't mention it," replied his father, lighting another cigarette and not meeting his son's eyes.

Remus started to leave.

"Remus!" called his dad.

He turned. Maybe this was the goodbye, the well-wishes, the fatherly kiss on the top of the head that so many other young wizards were now receiving.

"Don't tell _anyone_ about . . . you know," instructed John. "They'll kick you out."

Remus pursed his lips and took a deep breath, nodding grimly. He wanted a father who would hug him, whisper a few words of encouragement, tell him everything would turn out all right. He didn't have one, never had, and Remus never understood why. He turned to the train and boarded it alone. He found an empty compartment and pressed himself against the window.

There was John Lupin, a few yards away, surrounded by a cloud of smoke. A tall man with blonde hair, narrow shoulders. Suddenly, his father looked at Remus, their matching brown eyes staring into each other. Remus felt a lump in his throat. He was leaving home. He was leaving his family, his mother, his father, everything he'd ever known. Nothing would ever be the same, Hogwarts, the divorce, everything was changing . . .

He held his father's gaze until the train pulled out of the station and he couldn't see him anymore. The lump in his throat refused to subside.

It was nearly six years before Remus ever saw his father again.


	2. A Werewolf at Hogwarts

CHAPTER 2

Maybe Hogwarts hadn't been such a good idea. Maybe he shouldn't have come at all. The Sorting Hat had known what he was the instant it was on his head.

_Goodness! I've never sorted one of your kind before . . ._it had murmured in his ear. _Some say Dumbledore is losing his marbles, but I'm not so sure. Let's see . . . a werewolf . . . where to put a werewolf? Not Slytherin, no, you're much too kind and gentle for that lot, and they'd skin you alive if they ever found out about what you are. Not Hufflepuff, either, even as kind as you are_.

The hat had whispered in his ear for what seemed like ages.

_I can see everything in your head, Remus Lupin. How ghastly and painful are your transformations, every month. That must take immense courage. I think it's suddenly become quite clear to me that you belong in . . . _and the hat shouted the last word:

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The other students had cheered for him, clapped him on the back. He had introduced himself to his three roommates, and that had pretty much been the last contact he'd had with anyone.

The other three sort of knew each other: they'd all come from prominent Wizarding families. Sirius and James seemed to have met before they came to Hogwarts and were fast friends, and Peter always managed to be around them.

Remus kept to himself, stayed quiet. He did all of his assignments and payed close attention in class. The teachers were willing to cut him a little bit of slack, knowing about his condition, but he never needed it. Remus woke up every morning earlier than his roommates, ate breakfast alone and in silence, and spent any free time he had with his nose in a book, delving into his studies.

He hated it.

He had never been so homesick in his entire life. Remus had no friends at Hogwarts, partially by his own actions. He had never bothered to speak to anyone, and no one ever bothered to speak to him. He read and studied constantly to make it seem like it didn't concern him. All he really wanted was to go home.

The night before had been the full moon, and as Dumbledore had promised, there was a secret hiding place for him on Hogwarts grounds. No one noticed his absence. Dumbledore had given his hand a reassuring squeeze and patted him gently on the shoulder. Remus had heard him turn the key in the lock behind him.

He woke up the next morning with Madame Pomfrey, the kind young woman who ran the Hospital Wing, and he had almost cried. It wasn't home, it wasn't the same.

And now, he was sitting on his bunk, crying in earnest. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his bedroom, his father; he wanted his mother to kiss his forehead and dab antiseptic on the ugly gash he had given himself.

_Only two more months until I can go home for the holidays,_ Remus thought to himself.

He had a countdown on the wall next to his bunk, using his wand to mark off the days until he could go home. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Maybe Hogwarts hadn't been a good idea at all.

The door to the dormitory flew open and slammed shut, and Remus heard the angry footsteps of one of his roommates. Wiping the tears from his face and collecting himself, Remus peeked out from the curtains of his bed. Sirius Black, the dark-haired one who always had something to say, was sitting on his bed.

And he was _crying_.

Remus knew what crying looked like. Sirius had his face buried in his hands, his shoulders were shaking, and the muffled sounds of sobs reached Remus's ears. Remus forgot about his own tears and stood quietly from his bed.

He cautiously stepped toward Sirius, afraid to make a sound. And then, when he reached his roommate's bunk, he carefully sank down onto the blankets. Sirius jerked up in surprise.

"Oh," said Sirius, sniffling. "I didn't think anyone was in here."

"Just me," said Remus gently. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," spat Sirius.

Sirius wiped his eyes, but fresh tears replaced the ones he had just brushed away. Sirius sniffled again, and then started crying once more. Remus placed a hand on his roommate's back. It was a nice distraction: suddenly, Remus was the one_ doing_ the comforting, rather than the one needing it.

"You can tell me," offered Remus quietly.

"It's just . . . I got this letter from my mum. She's furious that I was sorted into Gryffindor," sniffled Sirius. "She said all sorts of awful things."

Remus nodded in sympathy.

"You know, I don't even like my mum. She's never been kind or caring or loving or anything a mother ought to be. Nothing good comes to my mind when I think of my mum," said Sirius, his breaths coming more evenly. "But it's just that . . ."

"She's still your mum," Remus finished for him.

"Yea," said Sirius.

Sirius took a deep breath. He looked at Remus, his grey eyes still sparkling with tears.

"I'm glad you were sorted into Gryffindor," said Remus with a kind smile.

Sirius choked out a laugh and nodded his agreement.

"Me, too," he said.

They sat in silence on Sirius's bed for a few long moments.

"Don't tell James you saw me crying, okay?" said Sirius with a grin.

Remus shook his head.

"Promise?" asked Sirius.

"I promise," Remus said.

And so, it went like that for Remus Lupin. Instead of focusing on his own problems (which were numerous), he focused on those of his three roommates. They soon became three friends. Remus was always the listening ear, the one they came to for advice. Over their first five years at Hogwarts, Remus saw them through poor marks, detentions, girlfriends, heartaches. He comforted Sirius when his brother drifted away from him and toward Dark Magic. He helped James through the difficult loss of his father. He worked with Peter diligently when McGonagall warned him he might fail Transfiguration.

Even when his friends found out about Remus's condition, which they discovered in Second year, it wasn't really his problem. They didn't focus on Remus's problem, they focused on what they could do about it. They needed his guidance in becoming Animagi. They needed help getting into the Shrieking Shack.

Never once did they ask, "So, Remus, being a werewolf must be awfully rough. Do you want to talk about it?" or "You never mention your father, Remus. Do you think he avoids you because of your lycanthropy?"

Remus wouldn't have known how to answer the second question anyway. James, Sirius, and Peter always looked to Remus for help. And in helping them, Remus was able to avoid his own issues. He was able to ignore the horrible experience of almost killing a classmate, even if it was a greasy, nosy Slytherin. Remus had forgiven Sirius for the incident because he couldn't bear to lose a friend when he'd never had any before, to lose a distraction from the hell that came with being what he was. He was able to ignore the gnawing ache of never seeing or hearing from his father, and of seeing his mother so obviously hurt by it.

And by ignoring his own problems, in forgetting all that was wrong in his life, Remus could focus on happier things. He'd gotten caught at a prank in Fourth year and had two girlfriends in Fifth.

Life was pretty good for Remus J. Lupin.


	3. Sirius's Beginnings

CHAPTER 3

A/N: I'm taking a few liberties with the Black family tree in this chapter. And the line with the is actually a modified quote from Blackadder (funniest show ever)

Love has to be taught.

Children don't come into the world knowing what love is, how it feels, how to recognise it; they are taught about love because their parents love them. Little boys learn about love because their mothers and fathers kiss them, and hug them, and listen to them. That's all it takes: the simple act of parents loving their kids.

Sirius Black never learned about love.

Every generation of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black must produce two healthy, virile sons. Sons because the name must always carry on through the male line, and two in case something happened to the first one.

Orion Black was one of these two sons, but he was the second, the younger of the two. His older brother, Cygnus, got all of the attention. He was the true heir to the Black family name, while Orion was simply around in case Cygnus got himself killed, which was unlikely considering their parents had paid for Cygnus's private instruction in dueling techniques from an illegally young age. Orion had been overlooked for such lessons.

Orion resented his older brother dreadfully, for at every family function, Cygnus was presented and paraded around like the strapping young man he was, while Orion was merely hushed up and placed in a corner. Orion hated Cygnus when they were kids, hated him as a teenager. But when they were adults, Orion Black finally surpassed his brother.

Daughters in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black were doted upon and enjoyed but were mostly treated as commodities. They could be married off to pureblood families richer and more powerful than the Blacks, thus increasing the status of the family name, but daughters didn't have the same appeal as sons. Daughters left the noble name of Black behind when they married.

Cygnus had three of them.

His wife had complications after the birth of their third daughter, Andromeda, and couldn't produce any more children. Orion saw his chance.

He married his second cousin, Walburga, keeping the line more purely Black than ever, and produced the requisite two heirs to the name: Sirius Orion and Regulus Arcturus. Both were handsome, strong, and sharp-minded; neither were plagued by any deformities or ailments. Sirius and Regulus were the perfect Black family heirs.

Suddenly, Orion was the favored son. Cygnus, while still the eldest, had been demoted in the pecking order. He had no children to carry on the family name, and now, it was Cygnus who was relegated to the dark corner at family get-togethers.

Orion was proud of himself for producing such strong and able heirs; however, he was still bitter and resentful at being treated like the "lesser" of two sons as a child. In his vengeance, Orion favored not his older son, but his younger. Regulus Arcturus Black was paraded around, given private lessons with a tutor, taken to cultural events, and introduced to pureblood daughters close to his age. Everything that Orion had been denied as the younger of two sons, he gave to Regulus.

Sirius was mostly ignored. His mother followed Orion's lead and openly preferred Regulus. Sirius grew up without anyone to play with or talk to, much less anyone who loved him and whom he could love in return.

Sirius Black would not have known love if it danced on top of a harpsichord, painted itself purple, and sang "Love is here at last!"

When he went to Hogwarts, the fact that his parents had failed to bring him up in the "proper" Black family way led the Sorting Hat to place Sirius in Gryffindor. He didn't care one way or the other. And in Gryffindor, Sirius had friends for the first time. He even had a _best_ friend.

Remus Lupin, a shy and quiet young man with blonde hair and light brown eyes, was the first person who ever listened to Sirius. The first time he'd ever cried in front of someone had been with Remus, and Remus hadn't made fun of him. In fact, he'd really listened, even offered advice. His mother and father had never bothered to hear anything Sirius said, but Remus hung on every word, drinking in every statement. Remus would let him talk for hours if he wanted. Remus always listened to his problems, his issues, anything and everything Sirius wanted to say.

Sirius was good friends with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew as well, having known about them from before Hogwarts, but something really drew him to Remus. The kind boy seemed to fill something inside of Sirius, to make something complete. Sirius supposed that's just what happened when a person made a good friend. He had never had a friend before.

Sirius had been the one to discover Remus's secret.

"He's gone again," James had said, pulling open the curtains of Remus's empty bunk.

"He does this all the time," grumbled Peter. "And they let him get out of assignments. It isn't fair."

"Guys, Peter's right," Sirius had said, earning a smile from the rounder boy. "He disappears all the time. I think there's a pattern here."

"A pattern?" asked James.

"Yes!" replied Sirius, feeling as though he were onto something. "Think about it. How many times has he been gone so far this term."

"Today makes three," said James.

"Once a month," Sirius had said. "And at what time during the month?"

The other two shrugged. Sirius's voice had dropped to an almost-whisper.

"The full moon," he said. "Guys, I think Remus is a werewolf."

James and Peter had both backed away like they'd been burned.

"That's a serious thing to accuse him of," said James quietly.

"Obviously, since I'm the one accusing," Sirius had replied with a rogue grin, always taking the chance to use the familiar pun.

James had rolled his eyes.

"It's not even an accusation. What, are we not going to be his friend because he's a werewolf?" Sirius had posed.

Peter looked as if that was exactly what he'd been planning. James was furrowing his brow and fiddling absently with a loose string on his trousers.

"It will certainly change the dynamic in our group of friends," James had offered grimly.

"So what?" Sirius said, waving his hand haphazardly. "So what if it does? I know he'll still be my best friend no matter what."

Sirius had been right, of course, and it hadn't fazed him a bit to know his best friend was a werewolf. Sirius felt somehow more connected, more protective of his friend. And if Sirius had been raised by parents who loved him, he might have recognised those feelings for what they were.


	4. Sirius Has a Realisation

CHAPTER 4

Sirius realized it for the first time in the middle of losing his virginity to a Ravenclaw girl with a reputation. They had been dating for two weeks when she'd offered to take him to bed, and as a sixteen year old wizard who hadn't yet _been_ to bed with a girl, he had readily complied.

So, here he was on top of her. She was making all sort of noises that he didn't find appealing at all: whimpers and squeals and girly cries of pleasure. He wished she would just be quiet and let him focus on the job at hand.

That was honestly what it felt like: an arduous task that needed completing. Sure, the girl was soft and warm and it felt quite good, but something just felt . . . off. Her breasts were bobbing up and down, distracting him. Her hips swelled out after a thin waist, which annoyed him. It could look so much . . . cleaner . . . yes, that was it. When the body from shoulder to hips made a tapered "V", the lines just looked cleaner.

Then it hit him. The only people on which the line from shoulder to hip made a tapered "V" were . . . men. And so, there he was, pounding away at this girl who was making different kinds of high pitched sounds, and all he wanted to do was _get it over with_. It became frighteningly clear in that moment:

Sirius Black was gay.

Sirius walked into the Gryffindor common room after his tryst with the Ravenclaw girl to find his three best friends lounging lazily around the fireplace, their usual hangout. James was fiddling arrogantly with his messy mop of hair, Peter was writing a letter with his tawny owl sitting patiently nearby, and Remus had his eyes scanning the pages of a book, one that Professor Slughorn had assigned the class to read by the next class session. Remus was always the only one to do that sort of assignment.

And subconsciously, he was eyeing his three roommates to check for that "V" shape that had come to his attention while he was losing his virginity. It wasn't that he found any of them attractive: in fact, this whole homosexuality thing had hit him so recently he hadn't even had time to think about who he might fancy. He just wanted to see if it was so, if the shape of body he preferred was that of a young man.

Peter was a bit pudgy so the shape of his body was impossible to see. James was slouched down on the sofa, and Sirius could just barely make out the straight swoop from his friend's shoulders to his waist. But Remus . . . Remus was sitting up straight in his chair as he read, and Sirius took a deep breath.

There it was. Sirius nodded to himself. Broad shoulders that tapered elegantly down to slim hips. He was staring vacantly at Remus when his thoughts were interrupted.

"What's the matter, Padfoot?" asked James absently. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Sirius shook his head to take his mind off the tapered-body phenomenon.

"I just lost my virginity to Elena Lacqua," he announced.

James's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"You heard me," said Sirius.

There was momentary silence.

"And?" asked Peter.

Sirius cocked his head to one side and shrugged.

"It was all right," he concluded.

Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius shrugged again. What good was it to pretend that the sex had been amazing?

Sirius had always been something of a ladies' man. Since his first day at Hogwarts, that wonderful day when he was Sorted into Gryffindor and not Slytherin, the girls had loved him. As a First year, the older girls had ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head affectionately. As a Fourth year, the younger girls had all gone twitterpated for him. And now, as a Sixth year, the older _and_ younger girls were after him. He had soaked up the attention from day one, dated a few here and there, snogged a few more.

But it had never seemed quite right. And now he knew why.

Sirius flounced down onto the sofa next to Remus and took a deep breath. The realisation was entirely too overwhelming.

It wasn't as though he'd never had hints, sometimes anvil-sized hints, about his sexuality. One day, when he was on a date with a Gryffindor girl a year younger than he, he caught her staring off into the distance. Sirius followed her line of sight to find out that she was gazing at Randall Wallace, the Ravenclaw Head Boy with shoulder length blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes.

He caught himself staring for a while, too . . .

Homosexuality wasn't unheard of in the Wizarding world. James had an uncle with a long-term, live-in male partner, and rumour had it that there was more to Dumbledore's relationship with Grindelwald than met the eye. But it still wasn't wholly accepted, and Sirius certainly didn't want to elaborate on the reasons why his first time had just been "all right". They had all accepted Remus's lycanthropy. He didn't want to take chances on a second dirty secret, as it were.

"Just all right?" asked James.

"Just all right," replied Sirius firmly.

His friends knew him better than anyone else in the world, knew him better than his own family did. They could obviously sense his emotions, as Sirius wasn't normally one to be tacit about any experiences at all. He knew they would return to the subject later, but his friends knew him enough to realize that now wasn't the time. He furrowed his brow. One thing was for sure: he wasn't going to go out with Elena Lacqua again, and he had a feeling she wouldn't be happy about it.

SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

Remus watched his friend carefully. There was something wrong, there was no doubt about that. Sirius normally bounded into the common room like he owned it, every eye turning to look at him. It wasn't that he tried to get attention, he just had a presence. The young man was a dynamo who exploded into a room, commanding everyone's recognition. He and James had that in common, but James had a different kind of arrogance, an egomania: he _knew_ the room would look at him and he _wanted_ it.

Sirius didn't even bother to care. He was the type of bloke who woke up, brushed his teeth, ran a hand through his long hair, and was ready to go. James preened. He checked his hair to ensure that it looked precisely as messy as he wanted it to look, for it would never lie flat in the effortless way that Sirius's did. James polished his glasses, sniffed his breath in the palm of his hand, and changed his shirt three times. Their personalities were reflected in their Animagus forms. The stag, tall and proud and regal and not at all silly, and the dog, who rolled around in the mud and barked at squirrels.

Sirius was just never one to bother, and that was half the reason why everyone adored him, and adore him they did. They adored James and Sirius both, and James and Sirius both enjoyed the attention. But they enjoyed it in different ways. For James, it was a right, a necessity. He had been doted on his entire life and didn't know any different. Sirius, though: he noticed the attention, but he just took it in, observed it, laughed at it. Sirius could be an arse, but the same as when he was being a gentleman, he just didn't know and didn't care.

So, Sirius had lost his virginity, and it had been "all right". That didn't bode well for poor Miss Lacqua, though she did have a well-earned reputation. Remus would talk to Sirius about it later. Remus was, as always, the one who did the comforting when Sirius needed it, and he needed it the most often out of the three. Sirius could be such a spoilt child at times! His emotions ran hot and cold. Brash and loud and saucy one moment; sensitive and hurt the next.

Sirius abruptly stood from the couch and stomped up the staircase to the dormitory. James and Peter both looked at Remus with expectant looks, and he nodded. Marking his place in his book, Remus followed up the stairs.

The curtains around Sirius's bed were closed, so Remus knocked lightly on the bedpost to request permission to enter.

"Crmmen," came the muffled reply.

Remus assumed he had been granted access. He pulled the curtains aside and saw Sirius lying on the bed staring up at the canopy. Remus sank down next to Sirius and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"All right, huh?" he asked.

Sirius rolled over and grumbled a reply. It was always like this. Sirius never wanted to open up, so Remus had to slowly and gently prod it out of him. To Remus, it was almost like a game that they played, but a good one, and a mandatory one.

"Something tells me you won't ask her out again," Remus commented absently.

Another grunt.

"Did it . . . go well?" asked Remus, trying to contain the amusement in his voice.

Sirius turned onto his back again, and Remus caught the deadly end of one of the famous Black glares. Remus was concealing a smile.

"I mean, you did it right, didn't you?" he prodded.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and lashed out half heartedly with a fist.

"Git," he mumbled.

There was a brief pause while Sirius climbed under the covers. The boy was always cold, and trying to unmake the bed and get underneath the blankets was proving to be a successful distraction from the matter at hand. Remus sighed.

"Come on, Sirius, out with it," said Remus.

Sirius bit his lip, apparently deep in thought, before returning his gaze to the werewolf.

"Have you ever done it?" asked Sirius.

Remus loosened his Gryffindor tie a bit and took a deep breath.

"Yes, I have," he replied.

"Really?" asked Sirius.

Remus nodded.

"Who?" he said.

"Jacey O'Malley," Remus answered.

Sirius sat up on one elbow.

"That Irish bird?" he asked, and Remus nodded. "Lucky catch, that."

Remus half-smiled and nodded again. Sirius collapsed onto his back again.

"Did you like it?" asked Sirius quietly.

"Yes, I suppose I rather did," chuckled Remus.

Remus narrowed his eyes, considering his friend. Sirius seemed distraught about something, and Remus had no idea what.

"Sirius, what did you-"

"Remus?" interrupted Sirius.

"Yes?"

"I want to talk about this," he said in a measured tone. "I really do."

Sirius turned his grey eyes to Remus's amber ones.

"But not right now," said Sirius finally.

Remus nodded. With a quick squeeze of his friend's forearm, Remus stood from the bed and closed the curtains as they had been. Something had the usually-brazen Black vexed, but Remus had no idea what it was.


	5. It's Remus

CHAPTER 5

_Oh, shit. Oh, shit. No, no, no_ . . .

Sirius Black's mind was running madly after Remus pulled the curtains closed on his bed. That one little squeeze, the touch of Remus's hand on his arm. Remus had done it countless times before, but only now, now that Sirius had realized he was gay, did it really affect him.

He couldn't have feelings for a friend!

Honestly, this was what made men all over the world into homophobic freaks: the fear that because a gay man was among them, it was inevitable that said gay man would be checking someone out! And Sirius had felt a very strange sensation as Remus's hand paused on his forearm, a gesture that had happened more times than he could count and would happen more times than he could count in the future.

But now, all Sirius could think about was the beautiful tapering of Remus's lean body, the way those broad muscular shoulders narrowed to a thin waist with a firm abdomen, and narrowed further to slim hips and a round arse . . .

_Shit, I just thought about Remus's arse . . ._

Sirius's mind raced. He sought out any hints, any similarly anvil-sized hints, that might have led him to this moment. Sirius had never really known how to react to feelings he didn't recognise, and he had never really been able to put his finger on what it was about his relationship with Remus that made it so special. And now, random thoughts and memories popped into his head: friendly ribbing at Remus's first girlfriend that might have been thinly veiled jealousy, rolling and tackling underneath the full moon that could have been just an excuse to touch his friend even in werewolf form, the closeness he always shared with the lycanthrope even when the others couldn't have cared less, and Remus had always been the _best_ best friend. It was starting to come together in his mind.

Now, _this_ was too much. What does a young man do when he realizes he is homosexual, and later than same day, realizes he has a bit of a fancy for one of his best mates?

He rolls over and _goes to sleep_, that's what he does.

And yet, dreams plagued him that night. Pleasurable dreams full of experiences with people whom Sirius would never consider during waking hours. Merlin, even James popped up in Sirius's dreams that night. And when Sirius woke up with a raging hardon begging to be touched, he couldn't even imagine making eye contact with the one sandy-haired young man who was the star of that erotic dream.

Quietly, and with a Silencing Spell and an Imperterbatus Charm on his bunk, Sirius wrapped his fingers around his swollen erection and a hiss of breath escaped through his teeth. But finally, something felt _right_. Sirius imagined himself with a man, not necessarily in an overtly sexual way, but even doing something a simple and incredible as kissing. In his imagination, he was kissing a man and touching the firm abdomen and letting his fingers slide down the chest unhindered by complex undergarments and full breasts that just got in the way. And when Remus's face floated into his daydreams, Sirius shooed it away.

His breath became ragged and his strokes quickened as he lay there in his bed alone, and very quickly, Sirius found himself spilling all over his hand, his abdominal muscles contracting spasmodically and his vision clouded with stars.

Now it was a _Scourgify_ that he muttered under his breath.

"Finally up, Sirius?" asked James brightly when Sirius summoned the courage to peek out from the curtains.

Sirius averted his eyes. James was naked to the waist and had been in the periphery of his naughty dreams. It was best if he just didn't look.

But damn it, if fate was tempting him that morning, for when Sirius averted his eyes, they landed right on the even-closer-to-naked form of Remus Lupin. He had just returned through the back entrance to the boys' dormitory, the one that lead to the Prefects' bathroom, and Remus was clad only in a towel, using a second to dry his shaggy, blonde hair.

Sirius thought it'd be best just to look at the floor.

"Everything okay, Sirius?" asked Remus sympathetically.

Sirius nodded the affirmative.

"You sure, Pads? You're acting weird," commented James.

"Excessively weird," agreed Peter.

"I'm fine," mumbled Sirius.

"You didn't . . . _catch_ anything from Elena Lacqua, did you?" asked James nervously.

"No!"

"Well, that's good. That girl's been around. Quite the broom, she is," James said, mostly to himself.

"James," Remus reproached.

Remus's amber eyes met Sirius's with an apologetic expression. It was all Sirius could do not to blurt out his feelings right then.

Merlin, the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. The reason he always found himself drawn to the same couch where Remus sat, the reason he always thought to save a bit of breakfast for his friend on the day prior to and after the full moon, the reason it was Remus in whom he confided, in whom he trusted.

This wasn't a sudden onset of attraction for his lycanthrope friend, this was just a realization of the attraction that had been building for six years.

"Come on, let's get breakfast," said Peter.

SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

Remus had hoped that sleeping it off would help Sirius, help clear his head, but apparently, it wasn't the case. If anything, Sirius seemed more introverted and thoughtful in the morning. For Sirius, this was very unusual. Normally, he was boisterous, but that morning he was somber. There were a few wheels turning in Sirius's mind, and Remus was dying to get a peek inside, but he knew better than to push him.

"All right," agreed Sirius.

James was pulling a shirt over his head and following Peter down the stairs. Sirius lingered behind. Remus turned around for privacy before dropping his towel to get dressed, and as soon as he'd done that, he heard footsteps and the door to the dormitory opening and shutting quickly. Remus turned around, and Sirius was nowhere to be seen. He'd apparently bolted from the room as soon as Remus had dropped his towel.

It wasn't as though they'd never changed in the same room before. Hell, living in such quarters with three other boys for six years was bound to produce a few unintentional (and potentially scarring) glimpses. Remus shrugged, finished dressing, and met the other three in the common room. Sirius was staring at the floor.

Breakfast was uneventful, and it was Saturday, so they had no classes for which they had to prepare. Preparation for classes typically involved James and Sirius hastily copying whatever assignment was imminently due (_Don't copy word for word!_ Remus always admonished). But on Saturday, they got to linger at breakfast, lazily buttering toast and having second helpings of fried eggs. Sirius was quiet, but James and Peter had been able to prod a few grins out of their raven-haired friend. The sight of Sirius's lips reluctantly turning up at the corners made Remus smile.

The post owls swooped into the room, and both James and Remus received mail that morning. From James's mum was a package of sweets with a letter instructing her son to save the chocolates for dear Remus Lupin, whom she knew adored the stuff. Remus's mum had sent him a letter, too.

_Dearest Remus,_

_I know I've told you once a week since you left for Hogwarts that I miss you, but here it is again: I miss you terribly! I hope everything is well at school._

_Your father stopped by the house last weekend. He had a package for you for your birthday. I'll send it along, but it'd be too expensive to send it Next-Day with your letter. It should be there by the time you turn seventeen, though. Seventeen! I can't believe it! My little boy, a grown up wizard. I'm so proud of you!_

_Say hello to your friends, Sirius and James and Peter. Hope everything's well, and happy early birthday!_

_Love,_

_Your Dear Old Mum_

Remus smiled at his mother's signature, running his finger over the familiar script. The report that his father had come by with a gift was very surprising. Remus hadn't seen his father since the day he dropped him off at King's Cross Station for his first trip to Hogwarts. He hadn't had a birthday gift from his dad since his eleventh. Remus was eager to find out what sort of gift his too-often-absent father would send. What would prompt him to reenter his son's life all of a sudden? And how would his mum cope?

"Here you go, Remus," announced James proudly, dumping a small pile of chocolates onto Remus's breakfast plate. "An early birthday present!"

"You'll be the first of us to come of age," remarked Peter, sounding rather awestruck. "You can buy us Firewhiskey!"

Remus laughed and shook his head.

"I don't think so," said the Prefect.

Remus glanced at Sirius and was please to see that his friend was smiling again. He even held Remus's gaze for a moment before turning to glance at the Slytherin table. Sirius never received mail. His parents had officially disowned him the year earlier, though Regulus Black, Sirius's younger brother, was at the moment loudly displaying the gifts he'd received by owl from the Black matriarch.

Sirius began stabbing at the last few bits of his breakfast, concealing his hurt and resentment quite well to anyone who didn't know him well, but Remus could always see through the tough exterior. The way Sirius's relationship with his family had turned out had been difficult, no matter how he disagreed with their principles. They were still his parents and Regulus still his brother.

Sirius seemed to feel Remus's eyes lingering on him, and when he looked up, Remus gave him an encouraging smile. Sirius smiled back.


	6. The Confession

CHAPTER 6

"You ready to tell me now?" asked Remus patiently as he perched at the edge of Sirius's bed.

Sirius was staring at his hands. The other two young men were in the common room, no doubt flirting with Lily Evans (in James's case) and anyone who'd look his way (in Peter's). Remus, though, had followed Sirius up the stairs. He just wouldn't give up, would he? Remus was so patient and even-tempered. Nothing seemed to surprise him. He was always ready to discuss everything. Sirius thought that even if he confessed everything, right down to the nitty, gritty, and incredibly dirty details of his dream, Remus would just say, "So, do you want to talk about it?"

"What is it you like about girls, Moony?" asked Sirius.

Remus, as expected, didn't seem completely baffled by the question at all. His calm expression didn't waver for a moment, and he tilted his head to one side as if considering the question.

"They're quite soft," he answered, very seriously. "They smell nice."

Sirius nodded. Girls did smell nice, but Sirius had never really liked the overload of flowery scents in which some of them apparently bathed. Soft. Sirius had never really thought about it, but Remus was right. Girls were very soft. Even the toned, muscular ones still managed to be soft to touch. That was a nice thing about them.

"They are soft, aren't they?" Sirius murmured.

"Yes, I'd say so," Remus said with a confused grin.

"Thanks," said Sirius.

"Any time," replied Remus.

Sirius was sitting on his bed pondering the softness of a woman's skin. He suddenly noticed, however, that Remus was still sitting at the edge of the bed gazing at him expectantly.

"What?" said Sirius defensively.

"That wasn't it," Remus said.

"What wasn't it?" replied Sirius.

"Come on," said Remus, rolling his eyes. "You can't tell me that what's been bothering you is whether women are soft or not."

"Nothing gets past you, Remus," said Sirius sardonically.

Remus gave his friend a good-natured punch on the arm, and Sirius yelped and rubbed the spot dramatically, glaring at the werewolf.

It came out like verbal diarrhea.

"I'm gay," blurted Sirius.

Remus pursed his lips and nodded to himself, obviously choosing his next words carefully.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Remus.

Sirius chuckled.

"I knew you'd say that," he muttered.

"I'm too predictable," said Remus.

"I'm too unpredictable," said Sirius with a pout.

It was Remus's turn to chuckle.

"And when did you figure this out?" asked Remus.

Sirius sighed.

"Last night, in bed with Elena Lacqua," said Sirius dejectedly. "And don't tell me it's a phase, or that I ought to think about it, because it's not. It just kind of . . . hit me, all of a sudden, and then . . . well, then everything fell into place. I know it's not a phase."

"I wasn't going to tell you it was," Remus responded.

"Right," said Sirius nervously.

There was a long moment of silence that was absolutely agonizing for Sirius. He hated silence. He wanted every moment to be filled with action. So, Sirius opened his mouth and began speaking.

"I don't know, Moony, I was just . . . there. I was in bed with her, and I was sliding in and out of her," Sirius blurted, not noticing Moony's slight wince at the graphic description. "She was making all these noises that bothered me more than anything else, and I wasn't really fond of her breasts bouncing around all over the place. And you're right, she was quite soft, but I'm not even sure I _like_ soft. I mean, hard just seems so much better!"

Sirius realized the double entendre.

"In so many ways," he added, shaking his head. "And I didn't really like the way she smelled, with that girly perfume and everything, so that isn't really a plus. And I was looking down at her at the way she was shaped, you know, little waist and big hips, and I realized I just didn't like that all that much. I didn't like her body all that much at all."

Sirius took a breath before plowing on.

"And when I came back to the common room, well, Peter's a bit on the pudgy side so I couldn't really tell how his body was shaped, and James was sitting all slouched," continued Sirius. "But when I looked at _you_ and I could see how _your_ body was shaped, I realized I didn't really like women at all. You see? I mean, staring at the way your shoulders go down all nice and tapered to your hips, and - oh, sweet Merlin, you can stop me anytime, now . . ."

Sirius buried his face in his hands.

SRSRSRSRSR

Remus was still sitting on the edge of Sirius's bed, carefully listening to every word his best friend said, as he always did. And then, at the end, when Sirius had abruptly stopped talking and began apparently trying to camouflage himself by hiding in his arms, Remus stood frozen, mouth half open and mind simply trying to wrap around the words Sirius had said.

Oh, being the listener was sometimes more of a burden than Remus wished to bear.

He knew he had to speak carefully. Sirius had come dangerously close to confessing a secret crush. A secret crush on Remus. Had that been what Sirius intended? Had it just come out incorrectly? How on earth could Remus approach this delicately?

He took a deep breath.

"Sirius, you know it's okay, right?" said Remus softly.

Sirius gave a mumbled whimper as a response.

"I mean, everyone will be just fine with you being gay," Remus continued. 

He paused and corrected himself.

"Well, a few of the girls will be severely disappointed, particularly Miss Lacqua," amended Remus, "but your friends will all love you just the same."

Sirius lifted his head from his arms and looked at Remus, his beautiful grey eyes nearly glistening with tears. It was rare, nay _unheard of_, for Sirius to cry. He never cried, not since that fateful day in their first month at Hogwarts. Blacks just didn't cry. And though Sirius wasn't crying now, it was obvious that if Remus merely _breathed_ the wrong way, he'd break down.

"Really," Remus reiterated.

Sirius bit his lip and nodded. A single blink of the grey eyes and the shining tears had disappeared. Inwardly, Remus sighed with relief. Another crisis averted. Sirius swung his legs over the side of the bed, and without another word, descended the staircase to join James and Peter.

Now, let's get one thing straight: Remus wasn't. Not entirely, at least. He hadn't been lying when he told Sirius that he'd gone to bed with Jacey O'Malley. He had. He'd enjoyed a fair share of experiences with girls over the past six years at Hogwarts.. But Remus had enjoyed a few _particular _experiences during those past years that weren't exactly . . . with a girl.

Michael O'Malley: a Ravenclaw Prefect during Remus's Fifth year. And yes, he was Jacey's cousin. Scandalous, isn't it? And this had been _after_ Remus's experience with the younger O'Malley, though neither of them knew about the other, and he sincerely hoped it stayed that way.

Michael O'Malley had approached Remus in the library offering to help with Defence Against the Dark Arts homework, though Remus hardly needed it. Defence Against the Dark Arts was his best subject. But, he'd gladly accepted the help from the older boy, and soon, the study sessions because regular occurrences. And one day, during one of these study sessions, Michael O'Malley had leaned over Remus, feigning to be grabbing for a parchment on the other side of the table, and he had let his lips brush Remus's neck.

Remus had frozen, trying to sort out what had just happened. Michael was also frozen, reaching across Remus for the parchment, ready to kiss the younger boy if he could, but equally as prepared to pass the whole thing off as an embarrassing accident. After a moment's hesitation, Remus had turned his head toward Michael, their noses centimetres apart, and he let Michael kiss him.

They'd done quite a bit more than kiss after that. Michael had been Remus's first real relationship, even though it had been kept a secret.

Remus figured his sexuality now lay squarely in the "Bisexual" category and was just fine with that. And as for Sirius's almost-confession? Well, there was no doubting that the eldest Black son was handsome. He was handsome in the effortless way that James tried so hard to achieve, failing to realize the irony of _trying_ to look like he _wasn't_ trying. But Remus had never, _never_ thought of his best friend that way. He'd never even seen Sirius as a sexual being, not even that one time Sirius had forgotten to put a Silencing Charm around his bed during that one particular pastime that all teenage boys enjoy.

Sirius hadn't really told him anything. Remus was ready to accept Sirius no matter what. But suddenly, the idea that Sirius Black, _the_ Sirius Black, the devilishly handsome, amazingly sexy, and _incredibly _sought-after Sirius Black might possibly have feelings for _him_, for Remus, the quiet, unassuming, gentle, decent-looking bloke that a couple of girls had dated just to get closer to his friend Sirius.

That thought shot an interesting and unfamiliar tingle up Remus's spine.


	7. The Roles Reversed

CHAPTER 7

"So, Sirius is gay?" commented Peter.

"Seems so," Remus replied.

He and Peter were walking to Herbology, a subject that Sirius and James had discontinued in Sixth year. When Sirius had quietly told his other two friends about his revelation, they had taken it well. It was just like finding out that he dyed his hair or preferred football to Quidditch: surprising but not earth-shaking. James had mostly just shrugged it off, but Peter seemed a bit more intrigued.

"Does he have a . . . you know . . . boyfriend?" asked Peter.

Remus chuckled.

"I don't think so," he said.

"Oh."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, that's lucky for you then," Peter said conversationally.

Remus stopped in his tracks. Peter turned and grinned at the werewolf. Remus shook his head.

"What do you mean?" said Remus incredulously.

"Oh, nothing really," replied Peter. "You know, it just means that he won't be ditching you for some guy he's dating or something. I know you hated it when he'd forget all about you over a girl."

By the way Peter spoke, Remus knew that wasn't exactly what Peter had meant. Sometimes he truly surprised Remus with how astute he could be. While Peter never really said much and didn't do too well in school, he was _always_ able to see what was going on politically in his group of friends. He could always play on their strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes it felt like he could see right through them.

"Yea, that is lucky," agreed Remus quietly.

Peter changed the subject.

"What are we going to do for your birthday?" he asked excitedly.

"Hopefully nothing too illegal," said Remus.

Peter guffawed loudly. He had a tendency to burst out in hysterical laughter at things that weren't really all that funny. Oh well, with best friends, one has to take the bad with the good.

"Maybe a quiet night with my best friends," Remus added.

"Yes, I'm sure that's what it will be," Peter replied, unable to keep a straight face.

Sirius woke up late the following Saturday to find that his roommates had already gone down to breakfast. He rolled over in bed, letting his eyes drift open slowly before standing from the bed. Then, he remembered. Remus's birthday! Sirius let a smile creep across his face. He dressed hurriedly and tore down to the Great Hall, where the other three Marauders were already laughing and eating.

"Happy Birthday!" said Sirius, clapping his friend on the back jovially.

"Thanks," said Remus quietly, with a shy smile.

Sirius plopped down on the bench next to his best friend and reached for a few breakfast rolls. When the post owls came down, two packages were dropped in Remus's lap. Sirius leaned over.

"Who's that from?" he asked.

"This one's from James's mum," said Remus with a grin.

James looked up from his breakfast at the mention of his name and nodded upon seeing the package. Remus tore open the gift to find a lovely new set of robes. Sirius smiled at the gift: Remus's robes were shabby and no longer reached the floor as he sprouted up in height. These new robes would likely last him a long time.

"And the other?" asked Sirius.

Remus's voice was very quiet when he answered.

"It's from my father," he almost whispered.

Sirius paused from eating.

"Your dad?" inquired Sirius, his volume matching Remus's. "Your dad sent you a gift?"

Sirius saw Remus staring at the package incredulously. The package was enormous. Sirius knew that Remus's father wasn't really a part of his life anymore, and he had sort of sensed how difficult it was for his best friend, though he'd never talked to him about it.

James and Peter weren't really watching when Remus ripped the bland wrapping paper from the package, but Sirius was, and he let out a tiny gasp of approval when he saw the gift.

Remus was still, staring at the gift. It was by far the most thoughtful thing that Sirius had ever heard of John Lupin doing for his son, though he'd never actually heard of John doing anything thoughtful to begin with. It was a beautiful briefcase, big enough to fit any and all papers that Remus might collect over the years, and printed on the side in embossed gold letters was his name: "R. J. Lupin".

"Wow," murmured Sirius.

"Yea," agreed Remus.

They both gazed at the briefcase for a long, silent moment.

"Let's take it upstairs, Remus. We'll put all your things in it," Sirius coaxed.

"All right," he said, only half paying attention.

As they left, Sirius could hear Remus trudging along behind him, carrying the briefcase in his arms. They took the staircases slowly until they reached Gryffindor Tower. Finally, up in the dormitory, Remus spoke.

"I didn't think he'd actually send anything," he whispered. "I know my mum said he would, but I didn't . . . I didn't believe . . ."

"It's an amazing gift," agreed Sirius, turning the case over in his hands to see it properly.

When Sirius looked up at his friend, he could see Remus's eyes shining. Inwardly, Sirius cringed. He wasn't the comforting one, not by a long shot. He had no idea what to say or do to make Remus feel better, and would likely only make things worse. Remus never cried! Remus was never upset! Remus had never once had any problems or issues . . .

It hit Sirius suddenly that perhaps Remus had had issues all along, but was too focused on caring about everyone else to bring them up. He set the briefcase on the bed.

"Here, come here, it's all right," murmured Sirius.

As Sirius cautiously wound his arms around the werewolf, he heard Remus let out a choked gasp of breath, trying to conceal his sobs. Sirius just embraced Remus casually, as casually as he could, though his mind was beginning to race with decidedly impure thoughts. Sirius cursed himself inwardly. Here, his best friend just needed some support, and all Sirius could focus on was how incredibly close they were to each other.

Remus pulled away, his breath hitching once more but his eyes dry.

"Sorry," mumbled Remus.

"Don't be," said Sirius, shaking his head in dismissal.

Sirius watched him take a deep breath, and then Remus sank down once more against Sirius.

"He's just . . . I've never understood why, but for as long as I can remember, my dad has been distant and . . . cold," said Remus quietly. "Mum and dad got a divorce when I was eleven-"

"I never knew that," interrupted Sirius.

"You never asked," Remus replied from his place against Sirius's chest. "The last time I saw my dad was when he dropped me off at King's Cross for the first day of Hogwarts. I haven't heard from him since then."

There was a moment of silence.

"My mum loves me, I know that much," continued Remus. "But sometimes, I wish my dad did, too."

"Yea, I sometimes wish my dad loved me," said Sirius.

He kicked himself mentally for once again bringing the conversation back to his own issues. No wonder none of them knew anything about Remus's problems, beyond the furry one of course. He and James and Peter had never given Remus a chance to tell them.

"Maybe he does love you, Remus," Sirius said. "Maybe there's just something . . . I don't know. Some reason why he can't be the kind of father you want him to be. The right kind of father."

"Maybe," whispered Remus.

Sirius realised again how close they were. He could feel the gentle pressure of Remus's breath against his neck. His arms were wrapped delicately, gingerly around his friend, wanting to comfort him, not make him uncomfortable. Sirius felt like he was walking a tightrope between being a friend and being a . . . something else. Sirius blushed at the thought.

Remus pulled away slightly, a half smile on his face. Sirius stared into those beautiful amber orbs, ready to simply get lost in them and forget the rest of the world. He suddenly wanted to hold Remus again, to make everything right. He wanted to hear all of Remus's problem, down to the most minuscule pet peeves, and make them better.

Sirius brought a hand to Remus's face, and then, he kissed him.


	8. Different Than Girls

CHAPTER 8

The feel of Sirius's lips against his was electrifying. The kiss wasn't deep or passionate, it was more exploratory than anything else. Gentle pressure from Sirius's kiss, a momentary pause, and then lips meeting again, mouths open but tongues staying a respectful distance from each other.

Remus hadn't entirely been expecting Sirius to kiss him, but as he threaded long, black hair in his fingers, he found that he wasn't terribly surprised. Sirius was gay, and even Peter had been able to see that there was some tiny spark between the two of them. And kissing Sirius felt _so_ much better than kissing Michael O'Malley had.

Sirius pulled away. They were both panting heavily.

"Should I apologise?" asked Sirius breathily.

Remus shook his head no. Sirius grinned shyly.

"Should I do it again?" he whispered.

Remus nodded.

Sirius crashed his lips against Remus's, more insistently this time. Remus let Sirius explore his mouth more fervently, his tongue now darting in. Remus felt Sirius's hands exploring, too: gently touching his hair, caressing his arm, and tracing their way down the shape that Sirius had said he found so attractive, the broad chest narrowing down to a slim waist and hips. Remus allowed his own hands to touch his best friend in a way that they never had, one hand rested lightly on Sirius's waist and the other cupped his face and traced a line along the chiseled jaw.

Remus wanted to chuckle. It was fairly certain that Sirius had never kissed a boy before, and his hands and mouth were on sensory overload trying to take in the experience in a rush. Remus pulled away, smiling gently at the other boy, whose eyes were clouded with lust and sparkling from the newness of it all.

"_Definitely_ gay, Moony," said Sirius. "I'm _definitely _gay."

At that, Remus laughed. Sirius was breathing heavily, his eyes darting around the room as though the revelation had completely overwhelmed him. Sirius collapsed down onto the bed, laying down on his back, and Remus stretched out next to him, though their bodies weren't touching.

"Tell me about your dad," said Sirius.

Remus turned his head, gazing curiously at his friend, but Sirius's eyes shone with something Remus had never seen. Remus stared up at the ceiling again, taking a breath before speaking.

"I look a lot like him," Remus began. "Same eyes, same hair, same build. Mum says I act like him sometimes, though I wish she wouldn't."

Remus stopped. When Sirius didn't interrupt, he continued.

"It always feels like . . . I don't know, like it hurts him to look at me," added Remus. "Like he's ashamed of what I am."

"Ashamed?"

"Maybe. It's hard to explain," he said. "On the day he dropped me off, I saw all the other First years getting kissed and hugged by their parents. Their dads were all wishing them luck and telling them they'd do great. Do you know what my dad said to me?"

Sirius lifted an eyebrow in question.

"He told me never to tell anyone about what I am," said Remus. "That was all. No 'good-bye' or 'good luck'. And certainly not an 'I love you'. Just a warning that I'd be expelled from school if anyone ever found out."

"Guess he was wrong," said Sirius proudly.

"Guess so," agreed Remus.

Sirius rolled over on his side, propping himself up on one elbow. Remus felt naked under his gaze. Sirius had never before concerned himself with Remus's problems. But then again, there were a quite a few things happening that morning that Sirius had never done. Remus smiled, and Sirius bent down and kissed him, a feathery press of lips against his that left him longing for more.

"Are you- well, what I mean to ask is . . . have you-" Sirius stammered, his face flushing. "Do you prefer blokes?"

Remus smiled.

"Not entirely," he said.

Sirius's expression dropped and he began to roll onto his back again, but Remus grabbed his arm to keep him from moving. He lifted his head and kissed his best friend once more, lingering for just a moment, and then sank back down onto the bed. Sirius was staring at him with questioning eyes.

"I prefer you," whispered Remus.

Sirius grinned handsomely.

"I guess that'll do," he said.

SRSRSRSR

When the door to the dormitory swung open and James's voice filled the silence, Sirius didn't move from his position next to Remus, and his heart fluttered in his chest when Remus didn't either. James and Peter stepped into the room, and both pairs of eyes immediately descended on Remus's bed.

"Damn it," grumbled James.

He was reaching into his pocket now, and Peter was looking rather pleased with himself. Sirius looked at Remus confusedly, but the werewolf seemed just as unsure as he was.

"Five galleons down the drain," muttered James as he handed Peter the money.

"Excuse me, but was there a bet of some kind going on?" asked Sirius.

Peter nodded excitedly.

"And somehow, it involved me laying in Remus's bed?" Sirius prodded.

"Yes! I bet that you and Moony would be at it any time now," Peter said proudly.

"Who says we were at anything?" asked Sirius with a raised eyebrow.

"Yea! Who says they were at anything?" James repeated, holding his hand out to Peter to get his money back.

"Ah, sorry, Prongs. I just snogged him senseless," Sirius said with a grin.

Remus blushed and buried his face in his hands, and James turned slightly grey and gave up on his quest to get the five galleons back.

Triumph was the emotion on Sirius's mind, written all over his face. Triumph at last! Sirius simply felt that he had triumphed over all those endless years of kissing girls and being best friends with Remus Lupin. Now, he was kissing _and_ being best friends with Remus Lupin, and as of yet, it was a brilliant combination.

James was bent over his trunk fishing for his Quidditch jersey, and Peter had sunk down onto his bunk. Remus relaxed a bit, and his hand rested absently on Sirius's thigh, whether on purpose or on accident Sirius couldn't be sure. Either way, Sirius could feel his skin heating and his abdomen tightening at the sensation.

James had found his jersey and was changing quickly before practice.

"See you later!" called James as he left, obviously having already gotten over the shock of two of his best friends in the same bed.

"Bye," said Remus absently.

Now, the room was theirs. . . except for Peter, who was still staring into space. Sirius let out a little cough. Peter looked over at them, and Sirius tried to give him an expression that asked for privacy.

"Oh," said Peter nervously, hopping up. "Yes, I'll just . . er . . . be going."

Peter left immediately. Sirius looked down at Remus and smiled. Remus seemed quiet, but when did he not, when it came down to it?

"What are you thinking?" Sirius said softly.

Remus's lips curled into a smirk.

"Well, _now_ I'm thinking you've turned into a woman," he replied.

Sirius laughed and gave his friend a half-punch on the shoulder before stretching out next to him, let his fingers dance across Remus's firm chest. He felt Remus's hand tentatively reach for his own, and Sirius let himself rest against his best friend as they relaxed on the bed.

"This is so . . . _different_," commented Sirius.

"Different than?"

"Different than girls," he said.

"Well, that does make sense," replied Remus.

Sirius laughed at himself before turning his head to place a gentle kiss on Remus's clothed chest. A naughty voice inside his head begged him to pull Remus's shirt up and kiss bare skin, but Sirius quelled the urge.

For once in his life, he was going to be patient. This was too important to screw up. For once in his life, he was going to get something right.


	9. What Sorts of Things?

CHAPTER 9

He was still sound asleep when he felt a presence in his bed. Remus fought in his mind to determine if he was still dreaming, or if someone actually had climbed in next to him. Shaking off the fog of sleep, he realised that there was indeed a body pressed against him.

"Sirius?" said Remus tiredly.

"Who else would crawl into your bed at night?" whispered the late-night intruder.

Remus felt Sirius's arm snake around his waist, pulling him close.

"You're cold," Remus grumbled.

"Mmm, yes, and you're warm," replied Sirius, snuggling closer.

Remus then felt the press of Sirius's lips against his neck, and as Sirius snuggled in behind him, he also felt the distinct press of something else against his backside. Suddenly, Remus found himself wide awake.

He could feel the hardness of Sirius's erection through his pyjama pants, and his breath stilled as his mind zeroed in on it. Sirius shifted in the bed, and Remus felt it slide against his arse. Experimentally, Remus shifted as well and was rewarded by an almost-silent, half-conscious moan from Sirius's throat. Satisfied, Remus draped his hand over the one that Sirius had wrapped around his middle and fell back to sleep.

In the morning, Sirius was still next to him, though he had rolled over and sprawled out in his sleep, pulling all of the blankets with him. Pink dawn sunlight was peeking through the curtains signaling that they were nearly late for breakfast already. Remus also had a healthy dose of morning wood, and the memories of Sirius's erection pressed against him the night before were doing little to help the problem subside.

"Sirius," murmured Remus, leaning over to him and touching him gently.

Sirius grunted caustically and turned over on his side.

"Sirius, it's time to get up," Remus prodded.

"It's too cold," protested Sirius grumpily, gathering the covers to himself.

Remus sighed. This was something he was probably going to have to grow accustomed to. Without ceremony, he yanked the blankets off of the black-haired boy's still half-asleep form, earning a yelp from Sirius. Remus also got to take a minute to gaze at his nearly naked body, for Sirius slept only in a pair of boxers.

Sirius was rubbing his eyes and grumbling to himself, so Remus savored the moments. Finally, his friend threw open the curtains and swung his feet over the side of the bed, griping about how cold the floor was in the process.

"Sirius!" said James nervously. "I . . . I thought you were already downstairs . . ."

"Nope," said Sirius, still cranky.

"Right," James said.

James's eyes met Remus's, and the lycanthrope gave him a sympathetic, but amused, smile. James had always been a bit uncomfortable with change. Remus knew that good old Prongs wasn't at all against Remus and Sirius's new relationship; it was more that James liked things to stay the way they were. It was partly for that reason that James still chased Lily Evans, even after years of rejection. It was the routine. Remus sometimes wondered what would happen if Lily ever _did _agree to go out with him.

Remus sat in the bed for a few more minutes, ensuring that his morning erection was not going to be noticeable as soon as he stood. It subsided quickly once Sirius had left the room for the showers and was no longer in view. Remus wrapped his scarlet bathrobe around his shoulders and traipsed down the hall to the Prefects' bathroom.

Blast. Michael O'Malley was standing in the middle of the room, gazing vacantly into the mirror as he brushed his teeth. It had only been two months since they'd ended their hushed-up relationship. It had been difficult for both of them; they got along so well, they had so much in common, but in the end, it hadn't worked. Michael's eyes found Remus's for a moment, but he looked away immediately.

Remus blanched. He knew! He had to know! But he couldn't know . . . Remus was simply certain it was written all over his face that he'd spent the night in the same bed with Sirius Black. Surely Michael would be able to tell that something was different.

But Michael said nothing, just went back to brushing his teeth and ignoring his ex-boyfriend. Remus stepped into the shower and let the warm water melt away his worries, remembering the exquisite feel of Sirius's body pressed against his own, no matter how cold Sirius had been.

Sirius and James were already at the table eating breakfast when Remus joined them, and they were guffawing loudly.

"What's funny?" asked Remus.

James was laughing too hard to answer, so Sirius tried to suppress his chuckles for long enough to reply.

"Got Snivellus in the hallway," laughed Sirius. "He won't be walking right for a week."

James was holding his sides with laughter, and the mirth spread to Remus even though he hadn't been there to see the prank. Remus chuckled.

"Where's Wormtail?" Remus asked.

"Oh, Snivellus got him," said Sirius, waving a hand dismissivelly. "He's with Madam Pomfrey."

Remus nodded and grabbed a few rolls and sausages for breakfast. James had finally stopped laughing and was crunching on his bacon.

Suddenly, Remus felt a hand on his thigh under the table, and he almost jumped out of his seat. Sirius was still eating casually, acting completely ignorant to anything that might be out of the ordinary, but Remus was frozen in his chair, focusing only on the hand placed so effortlessly on his leg.

SRSRSRSRSR

Sirius tried not to laugh at Remus's reaction. He had been in the middle of nodding when Sirius placed his hand strategically on his thigh, and suddenly, Remus had frozen stock-still. His face was poised in a half-incredulous and half-scandalised expression as he apparently tried to work out what was happening. Sirius continued eating and chatting with James as though nothing was amiss.

When they'd finished eating, Sirius reluctantly pulled his hand away from Remus's leg. It was really strange, this sudden change in the nature of their friendship. Sirius was only beginning to realise its implications. Remus stood from the bench, and Sirius quickly followed, while James and Peter, who had finally joined them, lingered behind for a moment to give the pair a bit of privacy.

When they reached the dormitory, Remus collapsed down onto his bed, and Sirius followed suit, perching next to him.

"Sirius?" asked Remus.

"Yes?"

"I have to ask you something," Remus continued.

"Shoot," said Sirius.

Remus sat up on his elbows, his amber eyes narrowed like they were working something out.

"This . . . what we're doing," stammered Remus, "it's not just an . . . experiment, or something, right?"

"Experiment?" Sirius asked, now thoroughly confused.

Remus sighed.

"Sirius, I know you pretty well by now, and you've never been much for relationships. You've dumped every girl you've dated shortly after, you know, 'experimenting' with something," Remus said in a rush. "I don't want to be an Elena Lacqua."

"What?"

Sirius was staring questioningly at Remus, his mind racing with the implications of what his friend was saying. Sirius understood Remus's words, but the whole situation was confusing him. He didn't understand the deeper meaning behind them. The love, the protectiveness, the seriousness of them, puns included.

"I've only been in one real relationship," said Remus quietly, "and it was really difficult when it ended."

Remus paused for a moment before continuing.

"I don't want you to just, you know," Remus said, "use me."

"I would never-"

"I know," Remus interrupted. "But I don't want to be just a way for you to learn about yourself or to practice . . . . doing things . . . ."

Sirius let his features twist into a playful smirk, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Doing things?" he asked. "What sorts of things?"

Remus blushed.

"You know what sorts of things," he said embarrassedly.

Sirius relaxed down onto the bed, laying next to Remus and gazing into his eyes.

"Well, I _would_ love to practice doing things with you," said Sirius with a wink. "But Remus, I hope you know that I don't ever want to hurt you. I couldn't live with myself if I did."

Remus nodded.

"You're my best friend," said Sirius.

Remus didn't meet Sirius's gaze.

"And maybe . . ." added Sirius, "my very first boyfriend?"

The werewolf finally smiled and glanced up at Sirius. Remus shifted in his place on the bed, scooting an almost unnoticeable distance closer to Sirius, but Sirius certainly noticed. It was an acquiescence. Sirius leaned in and pressed a gentle, chaste kiss on Remus's soft lips.


	10. Everything About You

CHAPTER 10

"You know, I don't know anything about you," said Sirius conversationally as he sat close to Remus on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked. "You know everything about me."

"I do not," Sirius insisted.

Remus lowered his book.

"All right, name one thing you don't know," Remus challenged.

Sirius paused for a moment.

"Is your mum a Muggle?" asked Sirius.

"Come off it, Sirius, you know that," said Remus.

"I don't," he replied.

Remus gazed into Sirius's features, trying to gauge whether he was lying. His grey eyes were open and honest, his expression was of innocent curiosity.

"Yes, she is," Remus said.

Sirius nodded to himself.

"Must have been hard for her," he commented.

Remus raised one eyebrow, but at Sirius's dark countenance, he realised what he meant. Lycanthropy. It must have been hard for his mother to accept her son as a werewolf when she herself wasn't even a witch.

"It was harder for my dad, I think," said Remus.

"Why?"

Remus shrugged.

"Maybe it was because she didn't have any prejudices. She had heard of werewolves but never knew they were real," conjectured Remus. "Maybe she just didn't have the built-in hatred that my father did."

"Your dad doesn't hate you," said Sirius with furrowed brow.

Remus shrugged again.

"What else don't you know?" asked Remus.

Sirius leaned in closer to Remus, resting dark-haired head against his shoulder. Remus let his head rest on top of Sirius's, let his hand intertwine with that of his boyfriend.

"Can silver really kill you?" Sirius asked, very quietly, as though he was afraid to ask.

The question didn't bother Remus. No one had ever thought to ask him these questions before, so it almost felt _good_ to talk about it, to tell someone about himself.

"I mean, a silver bullet could kill anyone, really," said Remus. "It's more like an allergy than anything else. It stings, it's painful, but it's not as though my life would end then and there if I were to use a sterling dinner fork in the Great Hall."

Remus could feel the nod of Sirius's head against his own. There was a long moment of silence, and Remus was about to return to the book in his lap when Sirius spoke.

"Have you ever shagged a bloke?" asked Sirius.

The book returned to Remus's lap. He took a deep breath.

"Yes," he replied, very quietly.

"Oh," said Sirius, obviously trying very hard not to sound hurt.

Remus lifted his head from Sirius's and turned to place a kiss on the silky black hair. Sirius sat up, and Remus cupped his face, pulling him closer for a kiss, coaxing his tongue out of his mouth. When he heard Sirius's soft moan, he pulled away, looking into grey eyes that were now tinged with lust. Sirius opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't ask who," said Remus.

Sirius's mouth snapped shut. His gaze turned downcast. Remus kept his hand gently against Sirius's cheek.

"Let's go upstairs," he whispered.

SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

Sirius couldn't lie to himself. It hurt to know that Remus had been with another boy before him. When had Remus done all of this? And why hadn't he told anyone?

_Because you never asked_. The words Remus had spoken days earlier reverberated in his head. Sirius had never bothered to ask Remus about his sexual adventures, with males or females. And somehow, even though Sirius had been the one to date and fool around with half the Hogwarts population, Remus had managed to go that extra step not with just one girl, but with a boy two. Or more that one?

"How many?" asked Sirius as they climbed the steps.

"How many what?" Remus replied.

"How many boys?"

"Oh," said Remus. "Just one."

_Well at least there's that_, thought Sirius.

They crawled into Remus's bed, their usual hang out of late, and Sirius stretched out next to the werewolf, his mind racing with thoughts. He hardly noticed Remus's finger tracing absent circles on his shoulder, but when he felt Remus's lips press gently against his forehead, he looked up at the blonde.

"Kiss me?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius felt his lips pull into a sly smirk of their own accord. He sat up a bit, letting one hand hold him upright on the bed while the other cupped Remus's slightly scruffy face. Their lips met, and Sirius forgot all about any experiences Remus might have had before him. Anyway, it wasn't as though Sirius was innocent by any stretch of the imagination . . .

Sirius didn't exactly follow how it happened, but somehow, Remus had maneuvered himself on top of the him, and Sirius could feel a patient but insisting hand pulling Sirius's shirt tail out of his trousers. A jolt of electricity shot through his body when Remus's hand finally found the sensitive skin of his abdomen. Sirius wanted to focus on the kissing, he loved to kiss Remus, but the tip of Remus's index finger was just underneath the waistband of his pants and Sirius couldn't help but let out a moan.

Remus pulled back, his hands reaching down to the button of Sirius' dark grey trousers. Sirius could see his hands trembling slightly, but whether it was from nerves or lusty desire, he couldn't tell. All Sirius could think about now was an unignorable desire to have Remus's hand wrapped around his now-throbbing erection.

Sirius watched with panting breaths as Remus unzipped his trousers, and when Remus pulled them down his legs, his erection sprung free. Sirius closed his eyes, waiting and desperately wanting to be _touched_, and when he felt Remus's long fingers wrap firmly around him, he hissed out a breath, his back lifting off the bed.

It was so different from being with a girl. Remus's grip was firmer, stronger, and he seemed to know exactly how and where to touch to make Sirius moan. His abdomen was tense and his cock was twitching in Remus's hand. It wouldn't take too long . . .

Sirius's eyes popped open when he felt a warm wetness surround his erection, and he groaned out loud when he looked down to see Remus's mouth wrapped around his shaft, blonde hair fringing the amber eyes. Remus descended down, taking Sirius into his mouth, and then slowly pulled away; the knot in Sirius's abdomen began to twist and pressure began to build, his hips were thrusting upward into Remus's mouth of their own accord.

"Fuck, I'm going to come," groaned Sirius.

Sirius spilled into Remus's mouth, his lips still suctioned around Sirius's cock as he came. Sirius let out a satisfied moan, his heart beating rapidly and his breath heaving. Remus pulled back, licking his lips, and climbed back up so that he was stretched out next to Sirius. Sirius wrapped his arm around his boyfriend casually as his body tried to relax. Sirius placed a kiss on Remus's forehead and rested against it.

"I think I could get used to this," whispered Sirius against Remus's face.

Remus snuggled in closer.

"Me too," he said.

The door to the dormitory creaked open just an inch or two, and Sirius heard James's voice.

"Hello," announced James. "I'm going to come into the dormitory now . . ."

Sirius laughed.

"Give us thirty seconds!" called Remus.

"Are you sure?" replied James from behind the door. "I can go back down."

"We're sure," said Sirius, standing from the bed and pulling his trousers on. "We're all finished."

His voice dropped to a whisper so that only Remus could hear.

"For now, at least," he said quietly.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, and Remus grinned as though he was both thrilled and embarrassed by the whole situation. Once boxers and pants were all on and buttoned, Sirius told James he could come in. James entered hesitantly, glancing around to ensure that nothing was exposed, so to speak, and when he was satisfied that Sirius and Remus weren't up to anything, he settled down on his bed.

"Evans didn't hex me today," said James proudly.

"That's an improvement," Remus offered.

"Thought so," agreed James.

James started writing on a roll of parchment, but paused and turned to Sirius.

"Oh yes, and Elena Lacqua told me to tell you that she wants you to take her to the Astronomy Tower tonight. She'll be waiting for you outside the door to the common room," said James offhand.

"When?" asked Sirius.

James looked at the watch on his wrist.

"About now," he said.

"Why didn't you tell her that I couldn't go?" cried Sirius.

"I didn't want to be the one to tell her your shagging your best mate," replied James.

"Not shagging yet," grumbled Sirius, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Fine," said James with a grin, turning to look at his black-haired roommate. "Besides, I love it when you get yourself into these messes."

Remus laughed. Sirius winced and met Remus's unsympathetic gaze.

"Like James said, you got yourself into this," said Remus with a superior smirk, leaning back in the bed with his hands behind his head.

Sirius huffed angrily and shook his head.

"Some friends you two are," he grunted.


	11. Relationship

CHAPTER 11

"Sirius!" said Elena with bright eyes.

"Yes, yes, come on in," he mumbled.

She climbed through the portrait hole and into the common room, gazing around absently, for she had been in Gryffindor Tower before with a _different_ boy. The common room was bustling with activity, students of all ages spread out working on homework or playing games.

"So, the Astronomy Tower?" cooed Elena as she sidled up next to him.

Remus and James were both standing to the side, arms folded in front of their chests as they fought the grins threatening to take over their faces. Who _didn't_ like to see Sirius Black squirm?

Sirius frowned at them petulantly before turning back to Elena.

"Listen, Elena, uh . . ." he began, "I can't go to the Astronomy Tower tonight."

She looked hurt.

"Why not?" she pouted.

Sirius caught a glimpse of Remus, who was watching amusedly with his haughty but amiable expression. Then, he realised what he had to do. Sure, let Remus enjoy the show. Sirius let a devious grin spread across his face, and suddenly, Remus looked a bit panicked.

Sirius pulled out a chair and stepped up onto it, standing tall in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

"Everyone! Everyone!" said Sirius loudly, and the commotion began to die down as the attention focused on him.

"Sirius! Sirius, what are you doing?" hissed Remus nervously.

"Thought you wanted me to get out of this myself, dear?" said Sirius with a cocky grin.

Remus grimaced, waiting for the inevitable. All of the students were now staring at Sirius expectantly.

"I'd like to announce that I am in a relationship," Sirius said loudly.

A few eyebrows raised. Elena Lacqua's face brightened.

"With Remus Lupin," finished Sirius.

There was silence momentarily. Elena Lacqua's expression turned disheartened. Then, a few students started laughing, thinking this to be yet another of the Marauders' pranks. The laughter stopped immediately, however, when Sirius stepped down from the chair, wrapped his arms around his sandy-haired roommate, and kissed him on the mouth, a kiss that was _certainly _more than friendly.

Sirius pulled away from Remus, who was staring at him with wide amber eyes. Sirius grinned. Remus blushed. Jaws all over the common room had dropped.

"You're bloody _poufters?_" exclaimed the disgusted voice of a Fifth year.

Neither Sirius nor Remus had even reached for their wands by the time James had sent a severe jinx in the direction of the homophobe. The boy was now rather gelatinous, and one of his friends was quickly trying to get him to the hospital wing. James looked immensely proud of himself.

"Thanks, mate," said Sirius with a grin.

"Any time," said James, his chest puffed up proudly.

The activity resumed in the common room as everyone returned to whatever they had been doing before Sirius's interruption, but Lily Evans was slowly making her way across the room toward them. Sirius glanced over at James, who now looked a bit frightened.

"Potter," said Lily.

"Evans?" James replied meekly.

Lily grinned.

"That was good of you," she said with a half-grin. "Standing up for your friends. I'm impressed."

She didn't say anything else, just turned on her heel to return to her friends. James let out a huge sigh of relief before bursting out into laughter. He wrapped his arms around his two friends.

"You know, I think I rather like you two being gay," joked James.

Sirius and Remus both rolled their eyes at that one.

--

The winter holidays were nearly upon them. Sirius and Remus had become closer than they had ever been, if that was even possible. The two of them had always been almost inseparable: the b_est_ of best friends, but now that they were together in _all_ senses of the word, Remus and Sirius had learned more about each other than they'd ever thought possible.

They were sitting lazily in the common room, Sirius resting his head absently on Remus's shoulder while the blonde worked on a Muggle Studies essay. Sirius sighed in boredom, and Remus smiled to himself. Sirius could never sit still for long, while Remus felt he could spend an entire day in absolute stillness. Remus put down his essay and met Sirius's grey eyes, which were now full of mischief.

Sirius had learned quite a bit about Remus over the past few weeks, and Black was quite the pupil. Remus felt his trousers getting a bit tight as he remembered those same grey eyes gazing up at him while those full, pink lips were wrapped around his cock.

"_Merlin, Remus, where have you been hiding that?!" Sirius had exclaimed. "How am I going to fit it into my mouth?"_

_Sirius had been looking rather worried, but Remus had just kissed his lips to silence him._

"_Do the best you can," whispered Remus._

Remus felt tingles all over remembering that Sirius certainly had proved to be an apt student. He leaned in kissed his boyfriend gently, their lips touching chastely in case anyone in the common room was watching.

"Come home with me for Christmas," said Remus softly.

"You really want me to?" asked Sirius.

"Of course," Remus replied, shaking his head as though it was obvious.

"I could just go with Prongs," Sirius offered, though there was a tease in his tone.

"But you won't have nearly as much fun," said Remus with an uncharacteristically devious tone. "My mum wouldn't think to put the two of us in separate bedrooms . . ."

"You miscreant!" exclaimed Sirius with an amused twinkle in his eye. "In your mother's own house?"

Remus laughed. When he looked at Sirius once more he felt the shiver of desire run up his spine once again. With that, Remus stood immediately and grabbed Sirius by the wrist, pulling him up the staircase. They collapsed onto Remus's bed and began attacking each other with kisses.

"Remus, you are far more unscrupulous than I ever gave you credit for," said Sirius resolutely between kisses.

"You thought I was scrupulous?" whispered Remus against Sirius's face, kissing him gently.

"Is that a word?" asked Sirius.

"Yes," growled Remus, thrusting his hips against Sirius, eliciting a whimper from the black-haired boy.

Remus felt Sirius's hands gripping at his shirt, and he broke their kiss for a moment while it was pulled up over his head. Hands roamed freely, lips ghosted over hot skin, hips pushed against each other in desperate desire. Remus was kissing Sirius's exposed throat, his hands fisted in silky black hair.

Merlin, it was so incredible with Sirius. It was nothing like he'd ever experienced with Michael O'Malley. Sirius was passionate and arrogant and explosive, and Remus couldn't get enough. Whenever he was with Sirius in a heated moment, he could feel a carnal animality threatening to get loose, like the wolf inside of him trying to break free. But even underneath the almost-savagery, Remus could feel the low, soothing pulse of love.

Remus loved Sirius, profoundly.

Sirius's shirt was discarded, then Remus's pants, then Sirius's socks and shoes. Remus found himself laying on his back while Sirius pressed his lips first to one nipple, then the next, and then kissing a feathery trail down to his navel and along the elastic waistband of his boxer shorts. Remus was arching his back and thrusting his hips automatically, though Sirius held him in place with strong hands. There was now a distinct outline of his erection visible through the thin material of his underwear.

Sirius kissed the outline, making Remus shudder and groan, desiring more contact and less clothing. Remus saw a mischievous grin on the other's face; Sirius loved to tease and had gotten quite good at it ever since he'd gotten over the nervousness of being with a boy for the first time. Remus moaned when he felt fingers dancing lightly over his cock, still covered by his boxers.

"Please," Remus whispered.

Sirius chuckled. He pulled Remus's boxers down his legs, exposing his erection, and Remus cried out when he felt Sirius's grip around it. Remus had never been able to get off from a hand job, not with anyone . . . well, not with anyone until Sirius. Something about the gentle but firm grip, the perfectly timed strokes, the kisses and whispers next to his ear. It didn't take long for Remus to spill into Sirius's hand.

Remus was panting heavily. Sirius cast a spell to clean up the mess and placed a kiss on his lips. Remus was about to turn over and return the favor when they heard a tapping at the window. Both boys glanced up; a dark brown owl was waiting impatiently.

"Ignore it," said Remus, rolling over and running his hands along the other boy's muscular body.

He felt Sirius shiver under his touch. Remus leaned down and kissed him, snaking his hands down to the fastenings of his trousers, but the owl kept tapping.

And kept tapping.

Finally, with a roll of his eyes and a few angry mutters, Remus stood from the bed, pulled on his pants, and went to the window. The owl pecked him when he took the letter and with the haughtiest expression an owl can have, it flew away.

Remus sat back down on the bed. The letter was addressed to him, in an unfamiliar script. Sirius sat up, resting his head on Remus's shoulder to read the note. He unfolded it and gasped.

_Remus,_

_You'll be spending the winter holidays with me this year. I'll be there to pick you up at King's Cross._

_Sincerely,_

_John Lupin_


	12. Meeting John Lupin

CHAPTER 12

"You okay in there?" said Sirius quietly.

He was standing outside one of the stalls in the Prefects' bathroom; Sirius had followed Remus down the long hallway and snuck in behind him. The letter had been a surprise to say the least. Remus had bolted as soon as he read it.

"You aren't supposed to be in here," came Remus's croaky voice from inside the stall.

"Since when has that stopped me from doing anything?" joked Sirius.

The door to the stall swung open and Remus stepped out looking miserable and dejected. He sighed and leaned against Sirius for support. Sirius wrapped his arms around the werewolf.

"Here's what I say we do," Sirius began.

Remus made an unintelligible noise against Sirius's shoulder that he took to mean curiosity.

"We get a couple bottles of firewhiskey-"

"Why does everything with you involve firewhiskey?" joked Remus.

Sirius ignored him.

"And tonight we have a little party, just us Marauders," continued Sirius. "And you can forget all about the fact that we have to spend the hols with your rotten father."

"We?" said Remus quietly.

Sirius became a bit nervous all of a sudden. Did Remus no longer want him to come?

"If you still want me to join you, of course," said Sirius.

Remus smiled, a genuine smile that lit up his light brown eyes.

"Of course I do," he replied sadly. "I couldn't do it without you."

Sirius watched Remus lean in closer and a distinct warmth spread through his body when their lips touched. He _loved_ making Remus feel better. Why hadn't he ever done this before?

SRSRSRSRSRSRSR

True to his word, Sirius had procured three bottles of whiskey (though one was mysteriously only a third full), and the four Marauders had rearranged the dormitory with their wands. James, the best at Transfiguration, had changed the bunks into plush sofas and Remus, the Defence Against the Dark Arts whiz, had woven a spell that would alert them if anyone approached. Peter had managed to rustle up some herbs that would not have been in a typical Herbology lesson . . .

Remus sipped at his glass, Peter slurped, James took long, painful draughts, and Sirius downed shots. Sirius was the one out of the four of them who most liked to drink. He had the sort of personality that was suited for substance abuse and addiction. It sometimes bothered Remus.

"I don't like it when you smoke," said Remus.

"Oh, come on, you can't even smell it or anything," Sirius said, waving a hand impatiently.

He was right. Sirius had a charm that created what looked like a translucent sponge next to his head. The smoke from his burning cigarette was drawn straight to the sponge, leaving no lingering odor or haze.

Still, the cigarettes reminded him of his father.

"It isn't good for you," Remus added.

Sirius snorted his apathy. He was very drunk already, while Remus had hardly finished his second glass.

"Why on earth is she sending me to spend Christmas with _him_?" wondered Remus aloud.

"How long has it been since you've seen him?" James asked.

"Six years," Sirius scoffed, answering for him.

"Almost six," amended Remus.

The group spent the rest of the night lamenting Remus's situation. James offered to let them come to the Potters' for the holidays, but in some strange way, Remus _wanted_ to see his father. He hadn't seen him in so long, and inside, Remus had always craved his approval. And with Sirius at his side, he knew he could handle whatever happened.

James was drunk, his voice escalating and volume, and in similar intoxication, Peter's awe at James's every word was magnified. Remus was feeling the firewhiskey, he couldn't deny it, but his need to care for Sirius overrode any drunkenness.

It was too often this way. When the Marauders got hold of a bottle or two of firewhiskey, Sirius could sometimes keep his head and stop drinking after he'd had enough, but from time to time, it went beyond "one" too many and became "six" too many. Sirius was slurring, hardly able to stand. Remus looked after him, always had.

James waved his wand haphazardly. It took a few tries to get the sofas turned back into beds, but once it was accomplished, James and Peter both hit the pillows, both beginning to snore immediately.

"I'm cold," Sirius slurred.

"Let's get you to bed, then," said Remus.

"Please . . . with you, please," he said drunkenly.

Remus smiled, shaking his head, but he knew he'd relent. Sirius was stumbling as he tried to step out of his jeans, and Remus ended up just pulling them off for him. It could had been a sexual moment, but Sirius was far too drunk for it to be so. Sirius had his eyes closed the moment his body found its place on Remus's bed.

The blonde pulled off his shirt and pants and slid into bed, pulling the curtains shut. Almost instantly, Sirius pressed his cool skin flush against the werewolf. Remus welcomed it; he was always hot. He wrapped his arms around the black-haired boy and kissed him gently on the shoulder blade.

"Remus?" slurred Sirius, half-asleep.

"Yes?" Remus replied.

"I love you."

Remus smiled because he knew the words were true, profoundly true, though he wasn't even sure whether Sirius himself knew that much of it.

In the morning, Remus woke to the sound of Sirius's painful moan. He peeked open one eye to see his friend clutching his head in agony and groaning.

"I feel sick," Sirius croaked.

"Why am I not surprised?" Remus replied, trying to keep the amusement from his voice.

"I may throw up," added Sirius.

Remus quickly conjured a bucket, and true to his word, Sirius vomited straight away. Remus vanished the contents of the bucket, but left it there in case Sirius intended on a repeat performance.

"You know we've got to get on the train in three hours, right?" Remus asked conversationally.

The only response was a pained grunt and another bout of intestinal pyrotechnics. Remus laughed at Sirius's misery, the way only best of friends can, and climbed out of the bed. James and Peter were both already packing their trunks, and both looked a bit worse for wear but were at least holding down the contents of their stomachs.

Suddenly, Remus remembered that it wasn't going to be his mum standing at the platform, arms wide and smiling. His heart sank, and he felt that he might be joining Sirius hunched over the bucket.

The train ride to King's Cross Station was miserable. Peter and James seemed to be doing all right, but Sirius's hangover was relentless. He demanded that they charm the windows in the compartment to be dark and keep all conversation to a whisper. Remus was feeling more and more antsy as they approached London. The gnawing feeling in his stomach was growing. Something was wrong, that much was beginning to seem clear. Why else would his father be spending the holidays with him instead of his mother? Didn't his mother love him anymore?

What if his mother was dating another man?

That thought hit Remus like a ton of bricks. What if his mother was in a relationship and had decided to spend the holidays with her new boyfriend instead of her son? It suddenly seemed like the only possible explanation.

Remus wanted to tell Sirius about it, wanted Sirius to tell him how silly he was being for thinking such a ridiculous thing. He wanted Sirius to comfort him, for it had always been Remus _doing _the comforting, never the one needing it. He wanted Sirius to hold him close like he had started to do recently, wanted Sirius to whisper nice things in his ear and kiss his temple to make everything all right.

But Sirius was currently vomiting into the trash can.

Two hours later, and there he was. Dear Merlin, there he was. Remus was fidgeting, his insides were in knots. Sirius was finally feeling a bit better, and Remus was comforted by the light grip on his hand. John Lupin was standing on the platform, a veil of cigarette smoke hovering around him just as it had when the train pulled away five and a half years earlier.

"I'm scared," Remus confided.

"Don't be," said Sirius confidently, even though his eyes were exhausted. "I'm here with you."

Remus smiled. Sirius gave him a short kiss on the forehead, just what Remus needed. They levitated their trunks in front of them. Sirius's stride was unfailing, charging ahead while Remus followed nervously behind him. Even though the black-haired young man had never met John Lupin, it wasn't hard to pick him out in a crowd. He was the only man who looked exactly like Remus did.

The two boys let their trunks fall with a loud _thunk_ at the elder Lupin's feet. John appraised them both silently for a moment, taking a drag from his cigarette before he spoke. Remus's heart was beating frantically.

"Who's this?" asked his father.

"Sirius," said Remus. "He's staying with me for the holidays."

Sirius extended a hand, and John shook it politely.

"Your mother didn't tell me about him," he said.

Remus just shrugged. Sirius was looking back and forth between the two. John didn't waste any time. With a sigh, he tossed his cigarette to the ground and bent to grab the handles of the two trunks.

"I thought you said he was a wizard," whispered Sirius as they followed some distance after.

"He is," said Remus simply.

That answer seemed to satisfy Sirius, at least for the moment. Remus watched the man in front of him, the tall, lean man he hadn't seen in years. No joyful reunion, no fatherly embrace. It was how it was done with John Lupin. Remus sniffed back a tear, wishing his mother were there and feeling that familiar homesickness for the first time since his first year.

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulders, squeezing gently. Once again, he had pulled Remus away from his sorrow, but this time, for completely different reasons.


	13. Holiday

CHAPTER 13

"Don't have any more extra bedrooms, so you boys will have to share," said John curtly as he showed them the room.

Sirius and Remus both lugged their trunks inside.

"It's all right," said Remus quietly.

Remus's father left the room abruptly, leaving the two boys to sort out their things on their own. Sirius glanced up at Remus, who looked troubled.

"You okay?" he asked cautiously.

"No," said Remus with a sigh. "But I'll live."

Sirius stepped over to Remus and threaded his shaggy blonde hair in his fingers. He kissed Remus's forehead, having to tilt his head up and stand on his toes for Remus was an inch or two taller.

That night, the boys wanted to swish their wands to form the pair of twin beds into one larger one, but they couldn't use magic outside of school. Instead, they spent twenty minutes pushing and pulling the twin beds until they were next to each other. Sirius climbed in next to Remus, huddling close, for he was cold as always. He wrapped his arms around Remus, spooning him gently from behind, and kissed his ear, his neck, his shoulder.

"You're beautiful," Sirius whispered.

"Thank you," Remus whispered back.

Pressed close to Remus, Sirius could feel a stirring in his groin; his cock was hardening resting against his lover. He felt Remus grasp his hand, pulling it down between his legs, and Sirius slowly wrapped his fingers around Remus's half-erect cock. A tiny gasp passed Remus's lips and his back arched against Sirius's chest. Sirius was subconsciously thrusting his hips forward in time with his strokes, rubbing his throbbing erection between the firm cheeks of Remus's arse. He was only dimly aware of this, until Remus began to meet his thrusts, moaning quietly as the speed of Sirius's strokes increased.

Sirius could feel the erection in his hand pulsing as Remus neared orgasm. His own cock was desperate for friction. Both boys were panting, letting out almost-silent whimpers, trying not to be heard. Remus's body tensed, he let out a strangled moan, and Sirius felt the warm, sticky fluid coat his hand as Remus came.

Breathing hard, Remus climbed out of the bed and found a towel in the cupboard. He cleaned himself off and tossed the towel to the floor.

"Too bad we can't use magic," said Remus quietly with a grin. "We could do with a _scourgify_, I think."

Sirius grinned and nodded, rolling onto his back and letting his erection rest on his stomach. Remus crawled in beside him, avoiding the wet spot on the bed, and nestled in between Sirius's legs. Sirius couldn't help but groan when he felt the blonde's warm, velvety mouth around his shaft. It didn't take long for him to come: thinking of Remus's lithe body and focusing on the feel of his tongue sent Sirius over the edge quickly.

Smacking his lips, Remus crawled up Sirius's exhausted body, draping himself across it as he tried to avoid sleeping on both the wet spot and the crack between the two twin beds. The two boys found themselves both snuggled together on one tiny mattress, wrapped in each other's arms as they fell asleep.

SRSRSRSRSRSR

In the morning, they pulled the beds apart, not wanting to arouse any suspicions from Remus's father. The pair dressed and descended the staircase to the kitchen, where John was already seated and reading the newspaper. He glanced up when the boys entered the room.

"Morning," he said quietly. "There's breakfast cereal on the counter."

Sirius made his way over to the counter, but Remus just sat at the table.

"Just coffee for me," said Remus stonily.

Sirius poured him a cup and set it in front of him, and Remus took a cautious sip. John sat down his paper, folding it in quarters, and pursed his lips.

"How's school?" asked his father.

"You mean the fall term?" spat Remus. "Or would you like to hear about the first five and a half years at Hogwarts as well?"

John's gaze dropped back to his newspaper. The rest of breakfast was eaten in silence.

The rest of the holidays went very similarly to that. Remus took every chance he could to make caustic comments to his father, though John never seemed to bother retaliating. Remus sometimes wondered if he was _trying_ to get a rise out of his dad, _trying_ to get him to admit he had been a rotten father ever since Remus could remember.

His thoughts kept drifting to his mother. He hadn't heard from her the entire time he'd been at his father's house. It was like she was ignoring him completely, which was most unusual for her. Normally, Linda Lupin (_Linda Johnson_, Remus reminded himself for the six-hundredth time) took every chance she got to fuss over her son. Part of him wanted to ask his father about her, the other part didn't want to talk to his father at all.

Sirius Black was his only reprieve from the doldrums that winter. Every night, they pushed the twin beds together and slept snuggled next to each other, with Remus wrapping his warm arms around Sirius's perpetually cold body. Every night, they said goodnight with kisses and loving touches, Remus pushing Sirius's black hair out of his eyes and Sirius tracing the lines of Remus's face and chest with his finger. Without Sirius, Remus was certain he would have gone mad. Sirius kept him sane, kept him from losing his temper and releasing all the pent-up anger he felt for his dad.

But when it came to be two days before Christmas and they _still_ hadn't gone to Diagon Alley to shop for gifts, the anger finally surfaced.

SRSRSRSR

From the dim hallway, Sirius could hear them fighting in the kitchen. The arguments were becoming more heated with every day, and now, for the first time in ages, Sirius heard Remus raise his voice.

"We still haven't gone, and you aren't even going to let us go today?" shouted Remus.

"I can't go today," said John angrily.

"Why not?!" cried Remus.

"I've got work!" roared John. "I actually _work_! Someone has to support you!"

"My _mother_ supports me!" yelled Remus.

"She hardly works at all," snapped John.

"There's more to support than throwing money at your son," growled Remus. "But if that's all you're capable of, then throw some money at me now, and Sirius and I will go to Diagon Alley ourselves!"

John scoffed a laugh.

"Two teenaged boys loose in Diagon Alley? You're mad. You're staying here," he said.

"Well, we can't very well go tomorrow, everything will be closed!" shouted Remus. "What am I supposed to send to my friends? To Mum? She always took me shopping a week before Christmas!"

"Well, she's not here, is she?" John snapped. "You'll just have to make do with me."

"Fuck this!" Remus shouted.

Sirius was so surprised at Remus's curse that he jumped. He stood silently in the hallway while the argument continued.

"Fuck being here with you! I want to go back to Mum's! Why do I have to be with you anyway? Send me to her! I hate it here!" Remus shouted.

"You can't go to her, Remus," said his father angrily.

"WHY NOT?" cried Remus.

"SHE'S SICK!" bellowed John.

Sirius froze. He could tell from the lull in conversation that Remus was frozen as well.

"She's sick. She's in the hospital. Asked me to take you for the holidays so you wouldn't have to find out," John added, venom in his voice.

"Sick?" whispered Remus.

"Yes," spat John.

"What does she have?" he asked quietly.

There was a heavy silence in the air. Sirius was holding his breath as he waited for the answer.

"Lung cancer," replied John. "She'll be dead in three months."

Sirius felt as though a load of bricks had been deposited into his heart. Remus loved his mother more than anything. She was the only person he ever talked about from outside Hogwarts.

"Remus! Wait!" said John's voice.

Suddenly, the kitchen door swung open. Remus appeared in the hallway, and for a moment, Sirius's grey eyes met Remus's tearful amber ones. Sirius opened his arms, and Remus fell into them, soft sobs racking his body. Sirius held him close, stroking his blonde hair, placing loving kisses on his face and neck, anywhere his lips could reach. Remus was crying into his shoulder.

Sirius looked up, and Remus's father was standing in the dimly lit hall. His face was sorrowful. John had been watching Sirius caress Remus's soft hair and kiss his neck. Remus's father looked away.

"So, you two are . . .?"

"Yes," said Sirius simply.

John nodded. Then, he turned and disappeared.

--

Author's Note: A little angsty and depressing, no? Well, had to throw in some drama here and there. Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far. Reviews really inspire me to keep writing, so keep it up!


	14. Slowly

CHAPTER 14

For once, that night, Remus was the one shivering. Sirius kept his arms wrapped tightly around him the entire night. He wasn't sure whether Remus slept at all; his own sleep was fitful as he tried to stay awake comforting his friend. But finally, at about seven in the morning, Remus's breath deepened and he seemed to fall asleep.

Sirius lay in silence next to his slumbering boyfriend for two hours before biology demanded that he get out of bed. He carefully climbed out of the pushed-together twin beds and headed for the bathroom. After relieving himself, Sirius descended the stairs to make coffee, perhaps to have a bit of breakfast in bed ready for Remus when he woke up.

John Lupin was sitting at the kitchen table, and their eyes met cautiously when Sirius entered the room. John said nothing, so Sirius went to the coffee maker and began to prepare breakfast for the sleeping werewolf.

"It's my fault," said Remus's father, out of nowhere.

Sirius had been staring at the dripping coffee of the Muggle device, but he turned at John's words. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Sirius could even see the threat of a tear forming at the corner of those familiar amber eyes.

"What is?" asked Sirius.

"Everything," said John with a dejected sigh.

There was a pause.

"You know about Remus's . . .?"

"Lycanthropy?" prompted Sirius. "Yes."

John nodded.

"That's my fault," said John, his voice nearly cracking.

Sirius stood still, shell-shocked and confused. He waited for John to elaborate.

"It's my fault Greyback went after him. It's my fault. I made Greyback angry, and he took his revenge out on my little boy," said John, and at these last words, the tears spilled over.

Sirius didn't know how to react. It was difficult enough for him to know how to comfort Remus, but to comfort Remus's father? And did John Lupin even truly deserve comforting?

"It's my fault Linda's sick, too," sobbed John. "I'm the one who's smoked like a chimney for thirty years, and yet she's the one who's dying of the smoker's cancer."

Sirius still said nothing.

"Why do we always hurt the ones we love the most?" John wondered aloud.

There was a pause as John's tears subsided.

"Some Christmas Eve," muttered John, wiping his eyes.

Sirius chuckled a bit at that. John offered him a wry smile and then sighed.

"Take good care of him, all right?" said John. "I'm going to go for a little while. You boys have a good Christmas."

Sirius thought he might ought to stop Remus's dad from leaving, to let him know that it wouldn't be Christmas without at least one parent present, but he didn't. John pulled on his coat, grabbed a bag that was sitting by the front door, and left.

The coffee was finished, so Sirius put together a tray of breakfast for Remus, who was probably still snoring away in the bedroom. But when Sirius entered the room, Remus was sitting up in the bed. Sirius paused in his tracks. He felt some obligation to tell Remus what he'd just learned from John, but another part of him wanted to keep quiet.

Finally, Sirius decided to just give Remus his breakfast. The blonde smiled tiredly at him and took a sip of coffee, leaving the rest of the meal untouched. Sirius perched on the edge of the bed.

"Your dad said he was leaving for a few days," said Sirius softly.

"Oh," Remus replied.

Remus continued to drink the hot coffee, and Sirius reached over and grabbed the muffin, taking a bite since Remus obviously wasn't going to.

When the coffee was gone and Sirius had devoured the rest of the food on the tray, the boys lay together in silence. Sirius was resting his head against Remus's shoulder, both of them deep in thought. Remus turned his head and kissed Sirius's silky black hair.

"Make love to me," whispered Remus.

Sirius lifted his head, gazing into Remus's eyes.

"What?"

"Make love to me," Remus repeated, rolling onto his side to face Sirius.

Sirius stared at him. His insides were filled with butterflies of excitement. Sirius loved what he and Remus did, he enjoyed it more than anything he'd ever done before, but something about experiencing Remus in _that way_ was more than enticing to him.

"Are you sure?" he asked breathlessly.

Remus leaned forward and kissed Sirius gently on the mouth.

"I love you, Sirius. I love you more than anything. Don't say it back just yet," Remus said, interrupting Sirius's response.

Remus smiled.

"Don't say it yet. I want you to mean it," said Remus.

"But I do-"

"All right, I want you to _understand_ it," Remus amended.

Sirius nodded silently, and Remus kept the sad smile on his face.

"You're what anchors me," Remus said quietly. "I want you to make love to me."

SRSRSRSRSRSR

Remus could see the hesitation in Sirius's eyes. Sirius didn't want to hurt him, that much he knew, but all Remus wanted at that moment was to be as close to the man he loved as he possibly could. He wanted to _feel_ love. His father didn't love him. And his mother . . . well, Remus didn't want to think about that.

Remus gave Sirius a nod, and Sirius cautiously climbed on top of him. Remus felt lips against his throat, his jaw, his face. Sirius was kissing him and using his hands to touch every inch of exposed skin. Stormy grey eyes were nervous and excited. Sirius kissed his lips.

"I do love you, Remus," whispered Sirius.

Remus gazed at him.

"Even if you're right and I don't understand what it means, I love you," Sirius said.

Remus nodded. He felt Sirius's trembling fingers tug at the waistband of his boxer shorts. Both of them were hard already, and Sirius's hand ghosted along the length of Remus's cock, making him gasp a breath. And then, the fingers carefully moved further back, touching Remus's entrance but only very lightly. It was a foreign feeling to Remus, having something want to push in rather than out, and it made him nervous, but he pushed his hips toward Sirius to encourage him on.

It was a slow process, for Sirius was obviously worried about hurting the werewolf, but Remus coaxed him with soft, reassuring words. Finally, a finger was gently pushed into him. Remus tensed. Sirius hissed, his cock twitching against Remus's thigh in anticipation of what was to come.

"In my trunk, in the bag with the toothpaste and such," whispered Remus.

Sirius nodded and stopped for a moment to retrieve the lubrication Remus had procured before the holidays. Twisting off the lid, the bottle was poised next to Sirius's rock hard erection.

"You're sure?" Sirius asked.

"I'm sure," said Remus.

Remus watched him pour the lubricant all over his cock, spreading it around with his fingers and then wiping them on his discarded boxers. Sirius bent toward Remus, spreading his legs and wrapping them around his hips, gazing down at Remus like he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The look made Remus blush.

With his hand, Sirius guided his cock forward, pushing just the head into Remus's passage. Remus tensed.

"Relax, darling," whispered Sirius. "I haven't done this before, but I know it'll be easier if you relax."

Remus nodded at his words, but his body was reacting of its own will against the invader. Sirius pushed forward ever so slowly, and Remus closed his eyes, trying to see through the uncomfortable feelings and find the pleasure underneath. Sirius's muscles were trembling as he fought to stop his body from pushing all the way into Remus's tight body.

"Are you okay?" asked Sirius in a strained voice.

"Yes, I think so," Remus replied.

Sirius nodded, bending down to kiss his lips as he pushed forward again. It wasn't pleasurable yet, but Remus was desperately craving sensation, the pain of Sirius's cock, the feeling of Sirius's lips, the love bubbling over in his heart. _Any_ sensation but the thought of his mother . . .

No, not that. Remus traced the strong arms of the black haired young man on top of him. Sirius was pushing in and out carefully now, but the thrusts were becoming less patient.

"So fucking hot and tight," whispered Sirius. "I'm not going to last."

"I love you," Remus blurted out.

"Merlin, Remus, I love you," Sirius cried.

Very soon after that, Sirius thrust forward hard, spilling himself into Remus's body. One more slow thrust, and he collapsed. Remus could feel the pounding heartbeat, the hot skin. He kissed Sirius's neck and shoulder.

They had made love.


	15. At His Father's House

--

CHAPTER 15

The next day, Remus found out he was pregnant.

Just kidding.

I absolutely despise male pregnancy stories! I mean, come on. It's biologically impossible. Anyway, just wanted to drop a line a to say thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this story! I'm going to quote a fanfic author (forgot who) and say, "Reviews are like crack, laced with . . . crack." Keep them coming!

--

Christmas Day was subdued. Remus was desperate to send his mum a letter, to find out where she was and how he could find her, but his owl kept coming back to him, unable to find her.

"She's probably at a Muggle hospital," said Sirius.

"Why can't they take her to St. Mungo's?" cried Remus. "They can heal anything!"

"She's a Muggle, Remus," Sirius reminded him.

"I don't care!" said Remus angrily, the tears coming again.

Remus was enveloped in Sirius's arms, and he cried again on Sirius's shoulder. Merlin, he just wanted to see his mum. She couldn't be dying. It couldn't be true.

Sirius attempted to cook a fancy Christmas Dinner, but Remus ended up using the telephone (a most peculiar contraption, according to Sirius) to order from an Indian restaurant down the street. Like proper British gentlemen, they stuffed themselves with curry until their stomachs were roiling from the spiciness.

At about four in the afternoon, a knock on the door distracted them from their lazy relaxation on the couch. Remus glanced at Sirius curiously, and he had something of a guilty expression. They stood from the sofa and opened the door, and James and Peter stepped into the room. James pulled Remus in for a hug, squeezing tightly, and Peter clapped his shoulder sympathetically.

"I'm sorry about your mum," said James quietly.

Remus looked over at Sirius, who was giving him a half-smile that said, "You can't go through this without your best mates."

"Thanks," Remus whispered, not just to James but to everyone.

"My aunt is a nurse at a Muggle hospital," offered Peter. "She says its amazing what they can cure these days, even without magic."

Remus said nothing.

"I know you probably want to take her to St. Mungo's, but really, the Muggle doctors are incredible. She'll be back in no time and sending you owls so often you'll tear out your hair," said Peter.

Remus chuckled at that. Peter could always read him so well, read everyone so well. He always seemed to know exactly the right words to say to make a person think differently about a situation.

The four boys sat around the kitchen table, remnants of the Indian Christmas feast spread across the surface, and James and Peter pulled out gifts.

"We didn't get you anything," said Sirius.

"Don't worry about it," James joked. "You'll pay us back later."

The gifts weren't anything elaborate: the usual books and sweets and pranking aides, but Remus was glad simply to have his friends there with him. He spent most of his time leaning against Sirius's strong form, chatting with the rest of the Marauders.

The front door opened again while James and Peter were still visiting. A tired and guilt-ridden John Lupin walked into the kitchen, greeted with cold stares from all four young men around the table. Remus's father stood silently in the kitchen for a moment before he finally spoke.

"I'm John, Remus's father," he said cordially.

There was no reply. His dad was turning to leave the room, but Remus spoke, stopping him in his tracks.

"Heard anything from mum?" asked Remus softly.

He felt Sirius squeeze his hand reassuringly. John turned back to the four boys and pulled out a chair at the table, slowly sinking down into it.

"It doesn't look good for her, Remus," John said.

Remus felt tears prick his eyes, but there was something redeeming in the way his father was acting. He was _talking_ to Remus, even meeting his eyes once or twice. He was opening up to his son, and it took Remus by surprise. John sighed.

"If they had caught it earlier, there might have been more we could have done," continued John. "But as it stands . . ."

"Is she in pain?"

It was Sirius who had spoken. Remus was thankful, for he didn't trust his voice to form words. James and Peter's faces were both downcast. Remus was staring at the table, but when he heard a sound coming from his father that sounded almost like a sob trying to be concealed, his gaze snapped up.

"She says she isn't," whispered John, his voice as unsteady as Remus was sure his own would have been.

John gave a watery smile.

"But you know how she is," said John, meeting Remus's eyes. "She wouldn't tell us even if she was."

There was a very long silence at the table. James and Peter both stood, clasping Remus's shoulder sympathetically before they left without words. Remus was huddled next to Sirius, who was stoic but still gentle as he comforted his lover the best way he knew how. Remus wasn't at all sure what his father was thinking about his relationship with Sirius, but there were more pressing matters at hand.

"Can we go see her?" asked Remus.

His father sighed and shook his head.

"You weren't even supposed to know at all," said John. "I don't want to upset her. She needs to focus on getting better."

Remus nodded. John sighed once more and stood from the table to leave the room. He paused for just a moment next to Remus's chair, and when Remus felt his father's strong hand ruffle his sandy hair affectionately, he felt the tears pricking at his eyes once more.

SRSRSRSRSRSR

That night, Sirius clomped down the staircase to find John Lupin sitting in the kitchen alone once more, a half-empty glass in hand.

"Where's Remus?" asked John.

"Taking a shower," replied Sirius.

It was somewhat uncomfortable, sitting at the table with Remus's dad again, but after the difficult day, Sirius didn't even bother to care. Remus had been crying again, and it was all Sirius could do to persuade him just to take a shower. Some Christmas, indeed.

"I need a drink," said Sirius.

John picked up the bottle that was sitting on the table, Kentucky Bourbon, and poised it over one of the spare glasses nearby.

"You seventeen yet?" he asked.

"No," replied Sirius curtly.

John paused a moment, but ended up shrugging and pouring a glass for his black haired guest anyway. They both held their glasses up in a mock toast before downing them.

Sirius grimaced. It certainly wasn't firewhiskey, that was for sure.

By the time Remus joined them, Sirius had a light head and couldn't pronounce the letter "S". He caught Remus's eye roll, but decided not to comment. Remus never approved when Sirius drank, but Sirius liked to. Remus's father was pulling a cigarette out from a pack, and he casually offered one to Sirius, which he took. Remus narrowed his eyes, but Sirius ignored the silent reprimand.

"Feeling any better?" asked John.

"What do you think?" spat Remus.

Sirius glanced up at Remus, whose expression had softened as though he hadn't intended to sound so harsh. John said nothing. Sirius just kept drinking. He liked drinking. Drinking was good.

After a few more drinks, Sirius was sufficiently pissed and felt himself being led up the stairs. He stumbled into the bedroom and collapsed onto the twin beds, still pushed against each other, but the room was spinning when he closed his eyes, so he peeked one open. Remus was unbuttoning his shirt. His dad was standing in the doorway. Sirius had a small worry in the back of his mind: didn't they usually separate the beds so John wouldn't see the implications of their relationship so blatantly?

But it seemed it was past time to care about that. Remus's father muttered a soft "Good night" and Remus responded with the same. Sirius didn't think his mouth could adequately form words, so he said nothing.

Remus climbed into bed next to him, pulling him close and kissing him lightly on the temple. The room had stopped spinning, and Sirius immediately fell asleep.

SRSRSRSRSR

"I feel like shite," mumbled Sirius.

"I'll bet," Remus said.

Sirius groaned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillows. Remus smirked.

"You let me fuck you in the arse last night," said Remus casually.

"What?!" cried Sirius, sitting upright.

Remus laughed heartily, and Sirius's panicked face turned grumpy.

"Not funny," muttered Sirius.

"Come on, let's go downstairs and eat breakfast," said Remus.

"I don't want to put anything in my mouth right now," said Sirius as he let out another groan.

Remus smirked at the implications of the statement, but let it pass.

"All right, we'll fix you a hangover potion and _then_ eat breakfast," Remus amended.

Sirius crawled out of bed, looking very pale and a bit green, as a matter of fact, but stumbled down the staircase after Remus nonetheless. Remus's father was already awake; the coffee was giving off a delicious aroma and the Muggle newspaper was spread out on the kitchen table.

Sirius collapsed into a chair, and Remus started digging through the cupboards and looking under the sink.

"What are you looking for?" asked John.

"Cauldron," said Remus.

"Don't have one," John replied.

Remus paused. He should have known: his father didn't even perform the simplest spells. Why would he own a cauldron?

"Guess you'll have to live without that hangover potion, Sirius," said Remus.

The only response was a grunt. Remus poured two cups of strong, hot coffee and sat one down in front of the black haired young man. No one spoke for a long time. Finally, however, John looked up from his newspaper and peered directly at Remus, amber eyes meeting amber eyes.

"Why don't I take you to the station tomorrow," said John.

Remus gave a sad smile. He nodded quietly.

"I'd like that," whispered Remus.

-


	16. Remus's Privates In Detail

CHAPTER 16

True to his word, John drove the boys to King's Cross Station, helping them carry their trunks and keeping a lookout for Muggles as they passed through the barrier. Remus watched his father haul the trunks up onto the station and then turn to look at the pair.

"I'll keep you posted on everything that happens," said John.

"Thanks, Dad," said Remus quietly, the tears threatening once again.

He felt Sirius's arm around his shoulder and a quick peck of Sirius's lips on the side of his face. Remus looked up at his father, who had a comforting smile on his face. Remus didn't think he'd ever seen his father with that sort of expression.

John stepped forward and gave Sirius a quick embrace, and Remus could hear his dad muttering something in Sirius's ear, but couldn't make out the words. Then, John turned to his son. After a brief pause where matching eyes stared into each other, John pulled Remus into a tight hug.

"I love you, Son," whispered John.

"I love you, too," Remus whispered back.

They pulled away from each other, and John ruffled Remus's blonde hair affectionately. Remus smiled at his father and then turned to Sirius, who guided him up the steps to the train. They found a compartment where James was already seated, and Remus and Sirius both waved goodbye to John, who was standing on the platform as he had been six years before.

"Any word on your mum?" asked James cautiously.

"None yet," Sirius answered.

James nodded.

"Remus, if you need anything, tell me. I know what it's like to lose a parent. I know how hard it is," James offered.

"Thanks," said Remus.

James's words and Sirius hand in his gave Remus a wonderful calm feeling, like he could get through anything as long as he had his friends. And then, when Peter stumbled in the doorway with mushrooms growing from the top of his head, Remus laughed out loud.

"Slytherins," muttered Peter.

James and Sirius were both laughing hysterically as the mushrooms continued to get larger, so Remus took it upon himself to cast a counterspell. The mushrooms were gone and the laughter died down, and a calm quiet settled over the compartment.

"So, how am I going to get Evans to go out with me?" James asked suddenly.

Remus chuckled. He started telling James everything he knew about Lily Evans and how James might win her heart. It was like old times. In giving advice to his friends, Remus was able to forget, just for a moment, how terrible he felt inside. James's crooked grin and Sirius's strong, calloused hand got him through the long train ride back to Hogwarts.

SRSRSRSRSR

Two weeks later, the Marauders were seated at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall when Dumbledore calmed strolled up to Remus.

"Mister Lupin," said the Headmaster.

Remus turned. Dumbledore held out his hand and Remus took the envelope.

"A very confused postman gave this to Madame Rosmerta. It seems he's been trying to deliver it for days but keeps remembering very important appointments just as he's about to drop it off," said Dumbledore with a smile.

"Thank you, sir," said Remus.

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus as he tugged open the envelope. Sirius recognised the handwriting immediately: it was from Remus's mother.

"What's that?" asked Peter.

"A letter," said Remus quietly. "From Mum."

James and Peter both perked up. Sirius looked at the letter as Remus read aloud.

"Dearest Remus," he began.

_I am so sorry I missed seeing you and Sirius over the holidays. Believe me when I say that I wanted nothing more than to be with you! I know your father told you about everything, and I don't want you to worry about me. The doctors are doing everything they can to fix me right up._

_Tell James and Peter I said hello, and give Sirius a hug for his birthday from me. I love you very much, I miss you, and I promise I will see you soon._

_Love,_

_Mum_

Sirius was impressed that Remus hadn't started crying while he read; Sirius wouldn't have blamed him. Remus took a deep sigh as he gazed at the paper. He turned to look at Sirius, who gave him as best a reassuring smile as he could.

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius in a tight embrace.

"That hug was from my mum," said Remus.

"It's just on loan. When we see her next, I'll return it," Sirius replied, grinning.

There was a moment of silence.

"So, your birthday is next week," commented Remus with a smile.

"Why, yes, it is," said Sirius.

"What would you like to do?" asked Remus.

Sirius paused and put a finger to his chin as though he were in deep thought.

"I think I'd like to drink a bottle of firewhiskey and find a few birds to deflower," said Sirius. "Moony and I will share them."

James looked momentarily panicked, but Peter guffawed loudly. Remus was considering Sirius with a half grin, one eyebrow quirked.

"I'll get the whiskey," offered Remus. "You can have the birds for yourself."

Sirius laughed and gave Remus a quick peck on the cheek, at which both James and Peter turned away.

"Firewhiskey is good enough for me," said Sirius.

Well, true to the Marauders' reputations, there was plenty of firewhiskey to go around at Sirius Black's birthday party. Students from all four houses were crowded in the Gryffindor common room, and Sirius was taking in the attention nonchalantly. James had managed to convince Lily Evans to speak with him for longer than a few minutes. Peter was sharing some of his "Herbology Lessons" with a couple of Seventh years.

And Sirius . . . well, Sirius was ensconced on an armchair with a leggy blonde who was trying her best to convince him he wasn't gay. Remus was perched not too far off watching the scene unfold with a half-amused and half-jealous smirk.

"But honestly, Rebecca-" began Sirius. "It is Rebecca, isn't it?"

The blonde nodded vigorously from her place in his lap, and Sirius could feel her fingers tangling in his hair.

"Well, honestly, look at him. I mean, just look at him!" Sirius said with a bit of a slur. "He's bloody beautiful."

Sirius gestured sloppily toward Remus.

"You might not guess it, but underneath those robes, the boy's got a hell of a body," Sirius told the girl in his lap. "And Merlin is he hung! I swear, there's nothing in the world like Remus Lupin's hard cock in your mouth."

Sirius grinned when he caught a glimpse of Remus, blushing furiously. Rebecca removed herself from his lap, obviously giving up on a lost cause, and Sirius maneuvered to Remus's side in an instant.

"Embarrass you enough?" joked Sirius.

"Not quite," muttered Remus. "I think there are two or three girls left at Hogwarts who haven't heard you discuss my privates in detail."

"Right," said Sirius with a curt nod. "I had better get to them, then."

He made to stand from the sofa, but Remus's grasp on his arm pulled him back down. Sirius rested his head on Remus's shoulder and felt a soft press of lips against his temple. His mind was really beginning to spin, and he knew that if he wanted some intimacy with his werewolf, he had better get to it quickly or he'd be too drunk to do anything about it.

"C'mon," said Sirius, standing from the couch and wavering slightly on his feet.

Remus stood and took his hand, both of them ignoring the varying degrees of disbelieving and/or murderous stares in their direction. Sirius blinked his eyes a few times to get the walls to quit moving and climbed the stairs to the dormitory with Remus's help. Finally, he collapsed down onto the bunk, eyes closing of their own accord, and felt Remus snuggle in beside him. A press of Remus's lips against his neck stirred him from what would have quickly become a deep sleep.

"Kiss me," whispered Remus.

Sirius complied, threading his fingers in sandy blonde hair and attacking Remus's mouth with his own. He felt Remus's hand snake down between his legs, but the excessive alcohol was preventing Sirius from getting too excited about anything.

"Just let me take care of you," said Sirius in a husky voice.

Sirius pushed Remus onto his back, kissing his lips, neck, and slowly unbuttoning his robes to kiss the soft skin underneath. He dipped his tongue into Remus's navel, kissed along the waistband of his boxer shorts. And from the distinctive bulge in his underwear, it was obvious that Remus hadn't had too much to drink that night.

With expert hands, mouth, and tongue, Sirius touched Remus's hard cock. He could feel it pulse in his mouth, he could hear Remus let out deep groans and gruff whimpers. He loved the sounds. He loved watching Remus arch up off the bed, muscles tensing as he neared orgasm. It took longer than it normally would, for Remus had drank a few himself, and Sirius found his mouth and jaw getting tired, but he was determined to bring his lover to completion.

Finally, with a strangled cry, Sirius tasted Remus's release. He licked gently up and down the shaft a few more times as Remus came down from his orgasm. Then, Sirius crawled up Remus's body and settled in beside him.

"I'm cold," Sirius said.

"Always," said Remus with a grin.

Remus pulled the curtains shut and Sirius felt drunken slumber beckoning him. With Remus's arms wrapped around him, Sirius closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	17. His Mother

CHAPTER 17

"Shh! Here he comes!" whispered James.

"Prongs, I don't know if this is a good-"

"Hush, Moony! Or we'll have to stun you!" Sirius interrupted.

The quartet went silent as their archenemy, Severus Snape, stalked down the hallway. Peter was suppressing giggles. Remus was suppressing admonitions. James had his wand at the ready.

When Severus had walked a few steps past, James very quickly and quietly whispered a spell, and there it was, emblazoned in bright burgundy and gold letters across the back of his black robes:

_Snivellus Wanks_

"Very mature," groaned Remus with an eye roll.

Sirius and James were snickering madly.

The four stumbled out of the alcove and trotted a good distance behind the Slytherin as they followed him to the Great Hall. Remus was feeling rather bad about the whole thing and didn't really want to watch what would happen when Snape walked into the Great Hall, but when he felt Sirius absently placed a hand at the small of his back to push him forward, Remus reluctantly kept up.

A few steps from the entrance to the Great Hall, the four Marauders stopped and gathered themselves, trying to make it appear for all purposes that they hadn't been up to anything at all. And in fact, most of the students eating lunch seemed not to have noticed the letters sparkling brightly on Snape's back.

But then . . .

"Snivellus Wanks!" came a cry from the Gryffindor table, a Fifth year boy.

Snape turned around fiercely to the Gryffindor table, dark eyes glaring furiously. A ripple of laughter now erupted from the Hufflepuff table, who, now that Snape had turned around, could see the words. The Marauders casually joined their table and were snickering as even half of the Slytherins started laughing at their housemate.

It was Lily Evans who finally stood and cast a spell to make the words disappear. James frowned instantly at her interference, but dared not to say anything. Snape was shooting murderous glares in the direction of Sirius and James and had ignored Lily's intervention entirely. The laughter in the hall died down, and Snape went to rejoin the Slytherins.

Remus knew Sirius couldn't help himself.

"Snivellus Wanks!" called the black-haired Gryffindor, and the Great Hall erupted in laughter again.

SRSRSRSRSR

"How come Moony never gets detention?" muttered Sirius as he cast his wand at the poorly transfigured teacup.

"Because he always tries to stop us," said James.

"He never succeeds," pouted Sirius.

"Oh, you just wish you were locked in a room for the past three hours with _him_ instead of with _me_," James replied.

"True," acknowledged Sirius.

James shook his head and rolled his eyes, giving Sirius a goodnatured elbow in the ribs.

"You really ought to be asking why Peter isn't here retransfiguring teacups with us," said James.

"The little rat," grumbled Sirius.

James chuckled. The door to the classroom opened and a stern looking Professor McGonagall stepped in, giving them each the evil eye as she surveyed their progress.

"All right, boys, you may go," she said, exasperated. "And I would love to ask you never to do something like that again . . ."

"But you don't want to make us lie," finished Sirius with his most charismatic smile.

It worked. Even middle-aged, stuffy, prim McGonagall was taken in by that infamous Black charm. Sirius could hear James muttering under his breath as they shot out of the classroom.

"So, how are you and Moony, er, doing?" asked James, overcoming any discomfort valiantly.

"Doing well, thanks," replied Sirius with a grin. "And you and Evans?"

"I think she's upset about the prank," said James with a shrug, "but she gets real proud of me when I stick up for you two poufters."

Sirius glanced over to James at his last word, but his friend was grinning. Sirius laughed.

"Using our relationship to your best advantage, then?" laughed Sirius. "I like that."

The pair turned the corner and Sirius ran straight into another student, nearly knocking the boy over. Sirius reached out and grabbed his shoulders, preventing him from falling.

"Sorry about that, mate," said Sirius, helping the boy stand.

"It's all right," replied the boy gruffly.

It was Michael O'Malley, the Ravenclaw Head Boy, and his blue eyes were fixed on Sirius with a glare that seemed far harsher than was necessary for merely bumping into him in the hallway. Sirius cleared his throat.

"We were just on our way back from detention," explained Sirius.

"Yes, for that lovely prank this morning," replied Michael without humor.

"Right," Sirius answered.

They stood in silence there for a moment. Sirius was looking around the corridor as though something on the walls might tell him what to say. Michael was still staring at him, eyes narrowed.

"Well, I guess we'll be off," muttered Sirius. "Sorry again."

"No worries," said Michael in an even tone.

And with that, James and Sirius both took off at a brisk walk. Sirius shook his head and wondered what had gotten the Head Boy's knickers in a twist. Finally, they reached the Fat Lady.

"Quaffle," announced James proudly.

The Fat Lady stirred from her sleep and the portrait swung open. The common room was mostly empty, save for a couple of students who were up late finishing homework assignments that had likely been put off to the last minute. Sirius gazed around the room and was pleased to see Remus sitting by the fire with a book in his lap.

"Hello," Sirius whispered into his ear before plopping down next to him.

"Hello, Sirius," said Remus, setting his book down. "How was detention?"

"Just lovely," James answered for him, sitting down in the chair across.

"We'd likely have gotten another, too," said Sirius. "Ran into the Head Boy on the way back."

"Oh?" Remus said.

Sirius could feel the lycanthrope tense beside him.

"He was in some sort of mood," added Sirius.

"Hm," Remus replied. "That's odd."

Remus was shifting in his seat. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows and wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulders.

"But the old Black charm got us out of trouble," Sirius said haughtily.

"Sure," said Remus, rolling his eyes.

Completely exhausted, Sirius climbed into Remus's bunk that night, a regular occurrence by that time, and Remus snuggled in behind him. Sirius loved the feeling of his boyfriend's strong arm wrapped around him and the warmth that radiated from Remus's body.

"I love you, Sirius," whispered Remus into his ear.

Sirius was nearly asleep, so he murmured whatever he could force his voice to say, something incomprehensible, likely enough. Remus pulled him closer and Sirius fell asleep.

It was three weeks later when Dumbledore appeared behind Remus in the Great Hall at breakfast, an indiscernible expression on his face. Sirius felt his stomach drop, for he had a feeling he knew what that expression was for.

"Mister Lupin," said Dumbledore quietly.

Remus turned in his seat, and Sirius could see his expression drop as well.

"Come to my office," Dumbledore said in a gentle tone.

Remus turned back to Sirius, his amber eyes full of hurt, and Sirius knew he couldn't let Remus take this news without him. Sirius stood from the bench and trotted to follow Remus and the Headmaster. He reached out and took Remus's hand in his own as they joined Dumbledore in his office.

When Dumbledore noticed that Sirius had followed, he said nothing, but a sad smile let Sirius know that he was glad Remus had some support. Sirius could feel Remus tense and scared beside him. Dumbledore seemed to be gathering himself, and then, he spoke.

"Your mother-"

Remus's pained gasp interrupted the Headmaster, and Sirius squeezed Remus's hand all the harder.

"She may not make it more than a few days," said Dumbledore. "We've got a car to take you to the hospital."

Remus let out a croaking whimper, like he wanted to say something but couldn't get his voice to say it.

"Mister Black, also," added Dumbledore.

Remus nodded. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus, kissing him gently on the cheek without caring that their Headmaster was watching. Remus's expression was stoic and pained.

Sirius had never met Remus's mother. He knew her only through the almost weekly letters that she sent her son. The letters had been absent for the past few weeks. Sirius's heart was pounding painfully in his chest. She wouldn't be sending letters anymore.

The car had an odd smell to it, and they bounced around uncomfortably in the back. Sirius couldn't think of anything to say, so he just held Remus tightly as they drove to the Muggle hospital. Remus rested his head against Sirius's and said nothing.

"She's in Room 405," said the driver when they reached the hospital.

They walked into the lobby and Remus paused.

"God, Sirius, I don't know if I can do this," he said quietly.

"You can," said Sirius, squeezing his boyfriend's hand. "You can."

Sirius didn't really want to go into the hospital room. He had never been in a Muggle hospital, never met Remus's mother. He didn't feel right about going in, but Remus kept a firm grip on his arm, so Sirius followed him. And there she was. She must have been beautiful in health. Remus looked nothing like her, save maybe the shape of the mouth. Remus's mother smiled gently.

"You must be Sirius," she said.


	18. Summer

CHAPTER 18

"Mum," choked Remus as he rushed to her side.

"Hello, Remus," whispered his mother. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," he said, wiping his eyes. "And yes, this is Sirius."

"Hello," Sirius offered.

"It's so good to finally meet you," said Linda.

Sirius bent over the bed and very awkwardly hugged her, making Remus smile. Remus pursed his lips. His mother looked sick, so sick. How could she have deteriorated this fast? It was just September when he saw her last, and she had seemed fine.

"How are you? Do you hurt?" asked Remus.

"I'm fine," she said, smiling.

"Right," scoffed Remus with a watery laugh.

"I'm fine now that you boys are here," amended his mother.

Remus read the newspaper to his mother, talked to her about his school year, updated her on all of his friends, and confided in her about his relationship with Sirius.

"Yes, your father told me," said Linda.

"And you're okay with it?" Remus asked.

"Of course," she said with a smile. "I can tell he makes you happy, love."

Remus blushed and smiled, and Sirius returned with dinner. Remus only left the room to go to the bathroom. Nurses popped in every couple of hours to take his mum's vital signs. She didn't seem to be improving. Her face was ghastly white. That night, Sirius and Remus both crowded on the tiny cot in the hospital room. Remus fought back tears, but when they leaked from his eyes despite his best efforts, Sirius kissed them away.

Linda Johnson died peacefully in her sleep two days later. James and Peter were both excused from one day of classes to come to the funeral. Those few days seemed like a blur to Remus. His father was at the funeral, and they shared one somber look but said nothing to each other. Sirius perpetually kept a strong arm around him, without which Remus was certain he would have collapsed.

That night, when Sirius should have been doing the classwork he had not been excused from, Remus lay wrapped in his arms, shivering through tears.

"Merlin, Remus," whispered Sirius, kissing him lightly. "If I could take away your pain, I would do it in a heartbeat."

Remus rolled onto his back, gazing up into stormy grey eyes.

"I think, Sirius Black, that you might finally understand love," he said quietly.

The black-haired young man smiled gently and placed a quick kiss on Remus's lips.

"Go to sleep," instructed Sirius.

SRSRSRSRSRSR

The rest of their Sixth year flew by. Neither Remus nor Sirius could ever remember much about those few months. Before they knew it, the four Marauders were sitting around the dorm room trying to decide where everyone would stay over the summer.

"I'll just stay with my dad," mumbled Remus sadly.

"I don't think so," said Peter. "All that will do is remind you that you aren't with your mum."

Peter could always read every situation.

"And you just reminded him again, dolt," said Sirius crossly.

"Sorry."

"No, it's all right," said Remus. "I like being reminded. I like remembering her."

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulder.

"Stay with me," said Sirius quietly.

"Where are you going to stay?" Remus asked.

"With me," said James firmly.

"It's settled then," Sirius announced.

Remus gave a reluctant nod. He knelt in front of his trunk and began placing his folded clothes inside with care. Sirius watched for a moment. He stood and ruffled Remus's blonde hair before heading to his own trunk to start packing.

All four of the Marauders arrived at the Potters' home after the term ended. Sirius watched with a sad smile as James's mum greeted Remus.

"Oh, my poor dear! Oh, I'm so sorry!" said Mrs. Potter, half in tears herself. "I'm so glad you're here. What can I do?"

"Nothing right now, but thank you," said Remus quietly.

Mrs. Potter nodded, her lips pursed, and turned to greet her son. Sirius took Remus's hand.

There were two rooms in which the boys were going to be staying. One was James's bedroom: his parents had pulled out a cot from a spare closet. The other was the guest room, outfitted with a double bed and a sofa. James's mum and dad were apologising profusely that someone would have to sleep on a couch. They didn't seem to find it odd that Sirius leapt at the opportunity. James and Peter just rolled their eyes, dragging their trunks to James's room.

Sirius helped Remus with his trunk. He was glad to be doing such simple things for Remus. Even something as simple and courteous as opening the door for someone else was foreign to him. People had always opened doors for _Sirius_, not the other way around. Sirius found the whole experience exciting.

They dropped their trunks on the floor of the bedroom. Sirius watched with a sly grin and narrowed eyes as Remus shut and locked the door behind them. Immediately, Sirius's arms were full of Remus. He felt warm kisses against his neck, his jaw, his lips, hands were dancing across his chest and arms. Sirius couldn't help but let out a low moan, prompting Remus to pull out his wand and cast a Silencing spell.

"Thank Merlin you're of age to do that spell over the summer," whispered Sirius against Remus's face.

"You are, too," said Remus in a tone that was almost a growl.

"Right," replied Sirius absently as he allowed Remus to guide him to the double bed.

Remus's hands were tugging Sirius's shirt tail out of his pants and caressing the firm abdomen exposed. Sirius's tongue was exploring his lover's mouth. Buttons undone, jeans pulled down, hot, velvety mouth around his cock and Sirius groaned loudly. He gazed down to see Remus, whose eyes were closed, propped up on one elbow, one hand moving in time with his mouth up and down Sirius's erection. The other hand was reaching down between his legs. Sirius felt his cock spasm at the thought of Remus stroking himself. He found himself thrusting into Remus's mouth . . . almost there . . .

"Fuck!" cried Sirius as he climaxed.

His body shivered all over as the feeling of release swept over him. Remus was licking his lips and kissing a trail back up to Sirius's jaw, finally pressing a gently kiss against his lips. They both resting back on the bed, wrapped in each other's arms. It could certainly prove to be a fantastic summer.

SRSRSRSRSR

"Who's that to?" asked Remus.

"Evans," said James proudly.

"Writing her a letter?" Remus continued, one eyebrow raised.

"I am," James said, not looking up from the parchment.

Sirius and Remus shared a surprised look, devious grins threatening to take over their faces. James was hunched over the paper, tongue between his teeth and quill scratching hastily. And owl was sitting nearby, waiting to take the letter to Lily, pecking at James's hand impatiently. Finally, he sat back with a huff of breath and stared at his accomplishment.

Then, a panicked look crossed James's face and he rapidly crumpled the letter and threw it across the room. The owl, however, didn't seem to realize that this meant the letter shouldn't be sent, for it swooped down, grabbed the crushed paper and soared away.

"NO!" cried James, racing to the window, but it was too late. The owl was getting tinier in the distance.

"Oh, _no!_" said James.

"What did it say?" asked Remus, concerned.

Sirius was chuckling.

"It said that she was _pretty_ and _nice_ and that I was _sorry for being such a prat_ and all sorts of horrible things!" James fretted.

"Horrible things?" asked Remus.

"Well, now she'll know what I'm really thinking!" said James. "She'll know I actually really _like_ her!"

Remus and Sirius shared an incredulous look.

"And that's not the point?" queried Sirius.

"Of course not!" cried James. "What if she doesn't like me back?!"

James was still staring out the window as though he hoped the owl would swoop back through the window any moment. Sirius was laughing at his friend now, and Remus was shaking his head in disbelief. Sirius looped his arm around Remus's neck and they left James to his sulking.


	19. It Was Him

CHAPTER19

"Sirius!"

"Hmpf?"

"Sirius, come on, get up. You've got to use your legs if you want to get to the bed," Remus instructed.

"Mmmm," murmured Sirius deviously.

Unfortunately, Sirius was in no shape to be devious. They'd decided to have a "Aren't We Glad It's Summer" party to distract James from the fact that he'd sent a letter to Lily that was actually _nice_, and Sirius had once again drank one (or six) too many. Remus was currently half-dragging him to their bedroom, hoping dearly that James's parents didn't find them stumbling toward the guest room. Remus let Sirius fall onto the bed, though he didn't quite make it.

"Fuck, Moony," slurred Sirius.

Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"Sirius-"

"I just need a smoke," he mumbled.

"It'll make you sicker," admonished Remus, pained to watch his lover smoke after seeing his mother die of lung cancer not months earlier.

"Just one," Sirius grunted.

He waved his wand in the air haphazardly, conjuring the hovering sponge that absorbed the odor of the burning cigarette. Remus watched him take a long drag, and then another, and then Sirius's face turned positively green. He put the cigarette out on his shoe. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Put your head between your knees," Remus instructed.

Sirius was half green, half white, and all drunk, but he obeyed anyway. He dropped his head between his knees and promptly passed out, sinking down onto the floor. Remus groaned his impatience and dragged Sirius up into the bed. When Remus climbed in after him, Sirius half-consciously snuggled against Remus, skin cool to the touch.

"I love you," Remus whispered.

SRSRSRSRSRSRS

The next day, James's owl returned. His face was ashen as he reached for the letter. It wasn't a Howler, thank goodness, but Remus and Peter were sharing grins (Sirius was hunched over the table as James's mum fussed over him, thinking him ill, which in all truthfulness he was).

"Who's that from, dear?" asked Mrs. Potter.

"Lily Evans," said James gravely.

"Oh, how lovely!" she said, turning to the others. "James has told me all about her. Now, Sirius, let me get you a Pepper-Up Potion to make you feel better."

"Thanks," Sirius mumbled.

When Mrs. Potter had left, Sirius turned to the others.

"What I could _really_ use is a fucking Bloody Mary," he muttered.

Remus pursed his lips.

"You drink too much," he said quietly.

Sirius didn't respond. Suddenly, James's face erupted into a grin. It quickly transformed into an expression of panic.

"What happened?" asked Peter.

"She's . . . she's . . . " stammered James, before he just thrust the parchment into Peter's hands.

"She likes him!" exclaimed Peter with a snorted laugh. "She's . . . what does it say here, 'glad to see his swollen head has finally gone down a bit.' Looking forward to seeing him on the train!"

Remus chuckled and James turned positively white.

"What do I do now?" said James.

Remus was laughing to himself. Poor James and his aversion to change. Just when he'd settled down into the routine of having two best mates shagging each other, he got thrown this curve ball. The elusive Lily Evans was at last going to give James a shot.

The rest of the summer flew by quickly, with much of it occupied by James's panic at how he would behave coming back to Hogwarts in September. What would he do when he asked Lily out and she said yes?

Remus convinced Sirius to stop drinking, at least temporarily.

"The summer will be hard enough for me without having to look after you, too," Remus had said.

Sirius had gone ashen faced and apologized for days after that. But the sobriety didn't last. On September 1st, after the Welcoming Feast, when the Marauders had returned to Hogwarts as Seventh Years, Kings of the School, everyone looked to Sirius Black to procure libations for the first party of the year. Remus could never quite figure out _how_ Sirius got a hold of so much American Whiskey (_Perhaps a good relationship with Madame Rosmerta?_ thought Remus jealously, but he shooed the thought away).

Even Lily Evans, the Head Girl, was partaking, with a bit of persuasion from the year's Head Boy. Remus shook his head to wonder how on earth his good friend James had snagged that honorable position. (_Perhaps a good relationship with Dumbledore_- but Remus laughed at himself, cutting off his own train of thought).

"Hello," said a low, seductive voice next to his ear.

"Sirius," said Remus with a smile.

The smell of whiskey on his breath was only faint; he wasn't drunk yet. Remus loved the barely-buzzed Sirius. He was more adventurous, yet more attentive. Sirius's lips pressed against Remus's neck, not caring that the entire common room was watching.

"Fucking queers," muttered a student, loud enough for others to hear.

James's wand had appeared in a flash, and the student was now bound and gagged onto his chair. Remus glanced over at his friend; James's eyes were locked with Lily's, who was positively beaming at him. Remus heard Sirius chuckle next to him.

"Come on, love," he growled. "Let's go wander around and be unscrupulous."

"My favorite," Remus whispered.

They passed Peter, and made it out past the portrait hole into the corridor, where the Fat Lady made an offended sort of noise. Their mouths instantly found each other, and Remus reveled in simply feeling his boyfriend's tongue lazily exploring his mouth, lips caressing lips and hands roaming hard bodies. He felt Sirius's hand graze the outline of his cock through his pants and instantly felt himself hardening. They scampered down the hallway, fearing getting caught so close to the entrance to the common room, before nestling themselves in an alcove.

Remus's back was pushed against the wall and Sirius was doing _incredible_ things to the hollow at the base of his throat. He could feel Sirius's hips press firmly into his own, and Remus let a gasp escape his throat. He was opening his mouth to moan his lover's name . . .

"Michael!" cried Remus.

Sirius backed away, eyes dancing murderously with venom in his Black glare. Remus's gaze, however, was situated somewhere over Sirius's shoulder.

It was Michael O'Malley, staring at Remus wide-eyed, though this expression was situated somewhere between scandalised and hurt. Sirius turned his shoulder, though he kept his arms wrapped pleasantly around Remus's body.

"We were just . . . just heading back to the common room," stammered Remus, his eyes holding Michael's gaze uncertainly.

"See that you make it back," Michael replied quietly.

The stumbled back into the common room, piling in and sprinting up the stairs.

"That was _close!_ I was about ready to start _shagging_ you in the corridor! We'd have been caught and it'd be detentions for a month!" said Remus breathily.

Sirius wasn't answering. He had his arms crossed in front of him and a petulant glare.

"What?" asked Remus, panting from the sprint back.

"It was him," spat Sirius.

"What?"

"It was him, wasn't it?" asked Sirius angrily. "The one other? It was him!"

"Sirius, I . . . why are you asking this?" Remus responded, flabbergasted.

"Your eyes! Your eyes told me there's still something there! What aren't you telling me, Remus? I thought I was the only one," said Sirius, his voice trailing off so that he seemed truly wounded.

"Sirius, _of course_ you're the only one," Remus whispered, stepping closer to his lover and placing a gentle hand on the side of his face.

Sirius was pouting and did not look up.

"I love you, Sirius," continued Remus. "I love you more than anyone or anything in the entire world."

"I love you," pouted Sirius, and Remus chuckled.

He brought his lips in and grazed Sirius's pouting mouth cautiously, and with a little prodding, his mouth opened and tongues entwined once again. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and let a hand rest in his silky black hair.

"It was him, but now it's you, all right?" Remus said quietly.

Sirius nodded against Remus's shoulder. Another crisis averted.


	20. Don't Feel Like It

The longest wait in history, I know! Everything has kept me so busy lately, but I think things have finally calmed down enough to where I can start into this fic again. No promises on the timing of the next update, but I'd like to get it back to weekly if I can. Thanks so much for all the reviews and reads, you guys inspire me to write more!

CHAPTER 20

"Good morning, love," whispered Sirius as he crawled into Remus's bed.

"Gerroff," muttered Remus, still sleeping.

Sirius snuggled close to absorb some of his boyfriend's furnace-like warmth, earning a mumbled protest from Remus, who didn't like to be cold.

"Do you know what day it is?" asked Sirius, kissing the side of Remus's face.

Remus rolled over a bit and blinked his eyes, giving Sirius a bleary stare.

"Saturday?" he asked, half-asleep still.

"Halloween!" exclaimed Sirius. "It's Saturday, Halloween, Hogsmeade, and the Feast all wrapped into one day! How often does that happen?!"

He was now bouncing up and down on the bed, and Remus looked resigned, as though he might as well get out of bed because he knew Sirius wasn't going to go anywhere. When it was apparent that Remus was climbing out of bed, Sirius stood and glanced over at James, who was hunched over the mirror fiddling with his hair. James noticed his friend looking.

"How do I look?" asked James worriedly. "I mean, does it look like I've spent all morning trying?"

"Well, you have," Sirius pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm trying to make it look like I haven't been," explained James impatiently.

"Maybe you shouldn't bother with it, then," offered Sirius.

"But then I'll look terrible! Sirius, this is my first Hogsmeade date with Lily Evans! Everything has to be perfect!" James exclaimed.

"And if your hair isn't perfect, then Merlin knows the rest of the date is fucked," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

"It's too early to say 'fuck,'" Remus grumbled, yawning.

"But is it to early to fuck?" Sirius joked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Ugh, it's _definitely_ too early for_ that _nonsense," said James.

Sirius heard Remus's low chuckle, and it made him smile. Remus had finally stood and was stretching his arms, his shirtless body taut and tempting. Sirius felt like drooling.

"So, today's the big date?" Remus asked cheerfully, now that he had fully awakened.

James's face dropped again.

"Yes," he said worriedly.

When the foursome trotted down the staircase, Lily was waiting for them with a grin. James reached a trembling hand out to take her arm, and the two of them headed off to the Great Hall together.

"This should be interesting," said Peter.

"It should," Remus agreed.

"Did you see the way she looked at him? Like he's got one shot, and he had better not blow it," Peter observed.

Sirius nodded. Peter turned to them.

"Well, shall we? What are our plans for today?" he asked.

"Oh, er-"

Remus and Sirius were both stammering.

"All right, all right, I get it," Peter said, shaking his head. "Whatever."

Peter rolled his eyes and grinned before disappearing out the portrait.

After they'd made it out the front doors to the castle, not holding hands as James and Lily were, but stand close beside one another jostling with arms brushing together, Sirius and Remus headed straight for a lesser frequented area of Hogsmeade, the Hog's Head Inn. Run by a peculiar man named Aberforth, the Hog's Head could likely afford them a bit of privacy more than the Three Broomsticks ever could. Sirius slid into the bench of a booth and Remus scooted into the seat across from him. The bartender gave them a gruff gaze with his bright blue eyes but brought them their drinks anyway: a butterbeer for Remus, and a firewhiskey with a butterbeer chaser for Sirius.

Just as they had sat down, however, Sirius and Remus found that they were not the only ones that day to seek the seclusion of the Hog's Head. The goat-loving bartender gave the three young men who had just entered, all wearing dark cloaks, a gaze even gruffer than the one he'd given Sirius and Remus.

"Avery and Thomas," muttered Sirius. "And my brother."

Remus turned and saw the three Slytherins at the bar ordering firewhiskey. He turned back to see Sirius's icy grey stare in his brother's direction.

"Come on, let's go," Remus said.

"No," spat Sirius immediately. "We're staying. No reason to let those bastards ruin our date."

Remus paused, taken aback by the word, "date". It was certain, of course, that they were a couple and that, were they a boy and a girl, their outing would be referred to quite distinctly as a "date", but he'd never heard Sirius use that word in reference to him. He'd only heard Sirius say that about the girls he'd brought to Hogsmeade. Remus gazed at Sirius, who was still gazing daggers at Regulus.

Suddenly, Regulus turned and noticed his brother. An elbow to Avery caused his two companions to turn and stare as well. The three Slytherins' eyes lit up like they'd just been handed a marvelous gift on a silver platter.

"If it isn't the two _lovebirds,_" crooned Regulus as he stepped over toward them.

"If it isn't three _Death Eaters_," Sirius snarled back.

Remus placed a hand on Sirius's knee under the table, but it did nothing to lessen the anger in Sirius's gaze.

"Fucking poufters," Avery said darkly.

Sirius clambered out of his seat, and despite Remus's best efforts to restrain him, wands were drawn. Sirius's wand was pointed at Avery's throat, Avery and Regulus were aiming theirs at Sirius, and for good measure, Thomas had his wand pointed at Remus, who hadn't drawn his wand.

"Damn kids, put yer damn wands away!" grumbled the bartender, stepping the middle of them and pushing their wand arms down. "Get out of my bar! Now!"

The Slytherins turned and stormed out, muttering under their breath, and Aberforth trained his eyes on Sirius.

"Please, sir, we won't cause any more trouble," apologized Remus, before Sirius could say anything.

Aberforth stared at Remus, appraised him up and down, and returned to the bar, saying nothing. Sirius, muscles still twitching in agitation, sank back down into his seat as Remus kept a calming hand on his arm.

"Hey," said Remus.

Sirius was still staring at the door

"Hey!" Remus repeated. "Look at me!"

Sirius wrenched his eyes away from the exit, and Remus saw his stormy grey eyes.

"I love you," Remus whispered.

Sirius's expression softened, his eyes downcast onto the table.

"I love you," he replied quietly.

But his gaze was instantly trained on the door again, his face hardening into another scowl. Remus sighed. It was always like this when it was something about his family. They drained the remnants of their drinks and headed back to the castle in silence.

When they reached the dormitory, Sirius flopped down onto his bunk, obviously still agitated. Remus knew that this what where he should step in, place a calming hand on his arm, relax him, bring him down from his anger.

But Remus didn't _feel_ like it.

"I'm going to the library," said Remus.

"Yeah, okay," Sirius replied absently.

Slightly irritated, Remus grabbed his bag and headed toward the library.

He couldn't focus on his book. His eyes scanned the same page over and over but he never drank in the words.

_Why am I so annoyed?_ Remus wondered to himself.

But he shook his head and started in on the page once again. It must have been several long minutes later that he realized someone had sat down across from him.

"Michael?" Remus said, surprised.

"Hello," said Michael, a sad smile on his face. "You don't look very well."

"Oh, I - I'm fine, I'm not ill," Remus replied, flustered.

"I don't mean you look ill," said Michael, his brow creased in concern. "Black treating you all right?"

"What?" said Remus. "Oh, yes. Yes, he is."

Michael's brow did not uncrease. Remus didn't meet his gaze.

"You happy?"

Remus didn't answer.

"With him?" Michael added.

"Yes," said Remus quietly.

Remus took in a sudden breath when he felt Michael's hand wrap around his. It was decidedly _not_ a foreign feeling: Michael's hand was familiar, gentle, warm. Much different than Sirius's strong, cool grasp.

"You know I'm always here for you, right?" Michael said, comfortingly. "Whether we're . . . together . . . or not . . . I still - well, I still care about you."

Remus felt his cheeks flush, but he gripped Michael's hand all the harder.

"You love him," said Michael. "Go talk to him."

When he looked up to meet Michael's eyes, they were squinting as he smiled, like the true Irishman he was. Remus felt his chest lightened at the memory of a thousand smiles like that one. He gave Michael's hand a squeeze and stood from his chair.

"Thanks," whispered Remus.


	21. UPDATE and SCANDAL!

I'm writing! I'm writing, I'm writing. Seriously.

But this update is mostly to let you know that there is an IMPOSTER AMONG US.

http:// www dot fanfiction dot net /s/4885700/1/Time_Travel

That is a story plagiarized directly from my story on mugglenet fanfiction, "Smells Like Sirius Black", which can be found at my author page: http:// fanfiction dot mugglenet dot com /viewuser dot php?uid=26052

If anyone feels like attempting to rectify this direct copy/paste offense, please email support and let them know.

Okay, okay, I'm getting back to writing! :) 


	22. Resignation?

Yay! Finally, an update! You may crucify me later - if you still want to after the fabulous smut I'm giving you as an apology! :)

CHAPTER 21

When Remus returned to the common room, Sirius was up to his usual behavior. Loud and swaying, he didn't even notice Remus entering the room. He merely downed another shot and collapsed into a chair next to River O'Neil, a Sixth year Muggleborn whose parents were rock stars. He had known more about drugs and drinking when his mum and dad dropped him off at Hogwarts for the first time than anyone else knew when they graduated. Remus shook his head and sank into the sofa by the fireplace.

"I don't like the way he treats you," piped a voice next to him.

Remus glanced up. It was Lily Evans, shooting murderous glares in Sirius's direction as she sat down next to him.

"He _knows_ you don't drink," she added.

"I drink," Remus responded.

"Not very much," Lily said.

Remus shrugged his agreement. They say in silence for a moment.

"I used to fancy you, you know," said Lily slyly.

Remus raised his eyebrows, a tiny grin creeping across his face despite his best efforts.

"You what?"

"I fancied you," she repeated. "For the longest time. Didn't you ever wonder why I always took the same classes you did? And why I always joined the same study groups you did?"

"I- I just assumed it was a coincidence," he said, astonished but grinning.

"And of course, I knew you'd likely never do anything with me. James had been so enamored, and you didn't seem like the sort of friend to ignore that," she continued.

"Right."

"But I still held out hope. You _did_ have a couple girlfriends here and there," she said, eyeing him curiously.

There was a pause.

"But then Black came into the picture, and I just thought my chance were shot," Lily finished with a shrug. "Gave up on you, Lupin."

She was smiling at him.

"So . . . is that why you agreed to go out with James?" he asked.

Lily shrugged again.

"Mostly," she answered.

"I see," said Remus.

They sat in front of the fireplace, both staring into the flames. Finally, Lily spoke up.

"But he treats you terribly," said Lily, indicating Sirius and his drunken stupor on the other side of the common room.

"He's had a rough life," Remus said.

"And you haven't?" Lily said.

Remus looked at her, searching her face for her meaning. Did he know about his affliction?

"James told me what happened . . . with your mum," Lily explained.

Remus felt his chest tighten slightly, and he could only nod. Lily pursed her lips and gazed at him. Her eyes were very pretty: the deepest, most beautiful shade of green as they searched him.

"I just wish . . . Black should just be more . . ." Lily said, stammering. "If _I _were dating you, you wouldn't be sitting on the sofa with a pretty girl unsupervised."

She grinned and winked at him, and he chuckled. Then, completely without warning, she leaned in and kissed him.

Remus panicked. It wasn't anything more than a chaste peck, really. Her lips met his for the briefest second before she pulled away, but that didn't stop him from frantically searching the common room to be sure James wasn't standing nearby with a crowbar or Quidditch bat. Lily laughed at him. James was nowhere to be seen, and Sirius was still in a drunken half-stupor. Remus finally looked back at Lily, questioning her with his eyes.

"Just had to do it," she said with a shrug. "And I figured, what better time than now that everyone knows you're gay?"

Remus smiled despite himself.

"If you ever decide you're sick of Sirius acting like a prat," said Lily, "and if you ever quit being the 'noble' friend and start being the 'I'll steal your girlfriend' one . . ."

Remus laughed.

"Then you'll know where to find me," she finished with a wink. "Now go over there and get your boyfriend before he makes a total arse of himself."

Remus noticed that Sirius had just stood from his slumped position and was wobbling dangerously on his feet. From the look on his face, he was about to start speaking, loudly, and Remus didn't think that would go anywhere pleasant in his current condition. He leapt up and raced to Sirius's side, taking him by the arm.

"Hello, Remus," slurred Sirius.

"Come on, let's go to bed," he said quietly.

"I like where this is going!" Sirius said, allowing himself to be led by the elbow.

Remus met Lily's eyes and smiled before dragging his inebriated lover up the stairs to the common room.

SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

Sirius woke up and refused to open his eyes. He was too afraid of what a bright beam of sunlight might do to him in his delicate condition. He could feel Remus, already stirring beside him, an arm resting around his middle. Sirius could tell that he wasn't wearing shoes or trousers, and so he knew that someone had helped him remove said items before bed. He was fairly certain he could deduce that person had been Remus.

Risking corneal trauma, Sirius peeked open one eye and found that he wasn't nearly as badly off as he thought. Perhaps his body was getting used to the wringer he put it through every other night. Pleased with himself, Sirius sat up in bed slowly, feeling a touch light-headed as the blood rushed from his brain, but overall, in fairly good condition.

Remus shifted.

"Feel all right?" mumbled the werewolf.

"Quite well, actually!" said Sirius happily.

"Good to know," said Remus, rolling over to his other side.

Sirius snuggled next to his lover, feeling the warmth radiating off his back, and placed a kiss behind his ear.

The resignation in Remus's eyes the night before worried him. It wasn't a look of love or adoration or patience in those amber eyes. It was exhaustion, frustration. It was the kind of look he'd come to expect from his parents, not from the one man he truly loved. Sirius pushed it from his mind.

"Come on, get up," said Sirius. "Let's get breakfast. I'm starved."

Remus stretched and yawned before gazing up at Sirius.

"You aren't miserably ill?" asked Remus. "Violently hungover?"

"Not a bit!" Sirius replied. "I reckon my tolerance has gone up. I'm immune to hangovers, Remus!"

"That's not something to be proud of," Remus grumbled, climbing out of bed.

Sirius followed Remus into the bathroom, running his fingers through his hair and brushing his teeth while he waited for Remus to finish showering. James and Peter had both left the dormitory already. Sirius wondered if they even batted an eye at the empty bunk that had once belonged to him.

After he had brushed his teeth, he sneaked over to the showers. Quietly, he pulled aside the shower curtain to watch Remus. He was washing his hair, arms above his head, soap falling over his closed eyes. Sirius just stared. Remus was beautiful.

When the warm water had rinsed away the shampoo, Remus opened his eyes, caught a glimpse of Sirius, and shrieked in surprise, dropping his bar of soap and splashing Sirius with water so that his middle was fairly drenched. Sirius eyed Remus evilly.

"You got me wet," growled Sirius playfully.

"You startled me!" Remus replied, indignant.

"My outfit is ruined," Sirius added.

"Shouldn't have snuck up on me!" said Remus, concealing a grin.

Sirius glanced down at the tile floor of the shower.

"You've dropped your soap," said Sirius with a raised eyebrow and an evil grin.

"Well, it's your fault I've dropped it," taunted Remus. "Maybe you had better pick it up."

And with that, Sirius stepped into the shower, fully clothed, and wrapped his arms around Remus. Their lips met with passion as the steaming water poured down onto them. Sirius's hands were everywhere, and Remus's fingers tugged at the shirt that was now soaked and clinging to Sirius's back. Their kiss broke only for a moment as Remus pulled the shirt over Sirius's head and began working on his trousers.

"I love you," said Sirius against Remus's neck.

Remus responded with another kiss. Sirius felt a flicker of worry cross his mind. Why wouldn't Remus say it? But as he felt Remus's strong arms around him, he melted into the embrace. Tongues massaged, stroked, attacked each other. Hands sought faces, waists, hips . . .

Sirius watched his lover's face as he wrapped his hand around Remus's cock. Remus's eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a sigh. Kissing Remus's lips, his neck, his chest, his stomach, Sirius sank down onto the floor of the shower to take Remus into his mouth. Sirius expertly rolled his tongue around Remus's cock, and lowering his lips to the base, hearing Remus's sigh turn into a low, grumbling groan.

Remus clung to the walls of the shower to stay upright, his knees trying to buckle under him as he approached his climax.

It was only a couple of minutes before Remus spilled into Sirius's mouth. After a few gentle kisses on the way back up, Sirius met Remus's eyes.

"I love you, too," said Remus.


	23. Gone Missing

It was true. It was profoundly true. Remus loved Sirius so much that his heart ached from it. But lately, Sirius was driving Remus's heart dangerously close to its breaking point.

Another morning that Sirius was sleeping late and Remus was making breakfast and coffee. After Hogwarts graduation, Sirius's uncle had sent him enough money to put a deposit on a flat north of London, and between Uncle Alphard's donation and Remus's part-time job, the young men were living quite comfortably together. It had gone well at first, but once the new wore off, Sirius was back to his old ways. He spent more time at bars than at home, and always smelled of smoke and foul when he crawled into bed.

When Sirius stumbled into the bedroom, rubbing his eyes and grumbling, Remus shook his head angrily.

"What time did I get in last night?" Sirius mumbled.

"How should I know? I was asleep," snapped Remus.

Sirius poured coffee for himself and took a sip.

"Do you even know where you were?" asked Remus.

"Just popped off to the Leaky Cauldron and such," said Sirius with a shrug.

"And such?" Remus pressed.

"I don't know," Sirius replied.

Sirius plopped down at the table and massaged his temples. Then, he stood and went to the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of cheap whiskey and adding a shot to his coffee.

"What are you doing?!" exclaimed Remus.

"What?" Sirius said.

"It's ten in the morning!" Remus cried shrilly.

"So?"

Remus paused, staring at Sirius. He could feel tears stinging the corners of his eyes. His breath was coming in gasps.

"I can't do this anymore," said Remus quietly.

"What?" said Sirius.

"I can't do this!" Remus yelled. "Drinking and drugs every day and every night! You're breaking my heart every day and you don't even care!"

Sirius stood from the table and reached out to embrace Remus, but he shrugged away.

"I'm leaving," said Remus.

Sirius's face dropped, his jaw hanging open.

"Remus, don't be ridiculous-" Sirius began.

"Ridiculous?!" exclaimed Remus. "Who is the ridiculous one here? Who stumbles in at half past three in the morning smelling of whiskey and cheap perfume?! After a night of drinking and smoking and . . . and snorting and whatever else it is that you do?!"

Sirius didn't respond.

"I'm leaving!" Remus repeated.

"Remus," said Sirius, "you haven't got anywhere to go . . ."

"I'll find a place," Remus said as he waved his wand haphazardly in the air, various possessions zooming through the air toward the worn briefcase that bore his name in embossed letters.

"Remus, please . . ." Sirius gasped. "Please give me another chance."

"I've given you enough chances," spat Remus as he shrugged the bag over his shoulder.

"Remus, you can't do this . . ."

Remus turned to Sirius, whose grey eyes were empty and sorrowful.

"All right. Promise me you won't touch a drop of alcohol. Promise me you won't go out at night without me. Promise me you'll stop," Remus said.

"Remus, I . . . I don't even . . ." Sirius stammered. "It's never like it's . . . "

"That's what I thought," spat Remus angrily.

And with that, he walked out the door and Apparated away.

SRSRSRSRSRSRSR

Sirius stared at the front door, as if he was expecting Remus to pop back through at any moment saying, "Just joking!"

It seemed so sudden. Hadn't they been fine for the past six months? Sirius had been happy. Spending time with Remus, spending time with friends, enjoying newfound freedom that came with graduating from Hogwarts. James and Lily had gotten married, and they had gone to the wedding together. They had a good time. Hadn't they? Sirius couldn't quite remember; that night was a bit fuzzy. As were many of the nights in the last six months of his life. . .

The door didn't fly open. Remus didn't return. Sirius's heart began to race. Was Remus serious? Was he really leaving? Was their relationship over? Just like that? Like a band-aid ripped off so quickly he couldn't even feel the sting . . .

Sirius downed the now-cold mug of coffee in one gulp before grabbing his jacket and flying out the door. The whiskey stung the back of his throat, but it was a pleasant, familiar sort of sting that helped him focus. He stepped past the protective barriers around the flat and Apparated to the first place he thought of.

SRSRSRSRSRSRSR

It was far too early to be banging on this door, but Remus was persistent. After at least five minutes of knocking, he finally heard grumbling and shuffling on the other side of the door.

Bleary eyed, the inhabitant stared at Remus in astonishment.

"Can I stay here?" Remus asked bluntly.

The man at the door sighed, pulling Remus into a tight embrace. Remus felt his breath catch in his throat as the tears began to fall. Pulling back, Remus felt a warm thumb wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"Of course you can."

SRSRSRSRSR

"Is he here?!" said Sirius breathlessly.

"Is who here?" asked James.

"Remus!"

"Why would Remus be here?" asked Lily.

"He left!" Sirius cried.

"He what?" Lily said.

"He left!" Sirius repeated.

"Left where?"

"Left me!" wailed Sirius as he sank into the sofa.

Lily and James stared at him in disbelief.

"What do you mean he left you?" asked Lily.

"This morning when I woke up, he just . . . he just up and left me! No warning. No nothing. He told me he couldn't do it anymore and he left," Sirius said. "I thought maybe he came here, but now I don't know where he is."

"Did he say why he was leaving?" she pressed.

Sirius grunted.

"Sirius," said Lily.

"I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled.

Lily opened her mouth to press him further, but James placed on a hand on her shoulder and she stopped. Sirius looked up at them with pleading eyes.

"I don't know what to do," Sirius said sadly. "I don't know where he is. I don't know if he's okay . . ."

"Don't worry, mate," said James. "We'll find him."


	24. Fixing Himself

There was something deeply satisfying about being with a person who didn't take advantage of him. It wasn't that Sirius did it on purpose; no, Sirius simply didn't know what to do with love. He'd never been treated right, so he was incapable of treating anyone right. When Remus showed up at Michael O'Malley's door needing a place to stay, they'd basically picked up right where they left off. Michael stayed home in the evenings and they shared wine over dinner, then they'd sit on the sofa and Michael would flick his wand to make the latest Quidditch match appear in the living room in holograph form. They talked and got tipsy, but not drunk, and went to bed (chastely) before eleven. It felt like a real, adult relationship. Absolutely nothing like what Remus had with Sirius.

"So what happened with you two? Are you ready to talk about it?" Michael asked.

Remus stopped, staring into the distance. It was brilliant to have someone ask _him_ that question. With Sirius, he was always the one taking care, the one asking if everything was all right, the one mending the problems.

"He's . . . he's just out of control," admitted Remus. "It started back at Hogwarts with the drinking-"

"Oh, I remember," said Michael.

"And once we graduated and moved out, it got worse from there. He was going out every night, whether I wanted to come or not. Doing all manner of drugs and drinking," said Remus. "The day I left he woke up at ten o'clock and poured whiskey in his coffee."

There was a few moments of silence as Michael waited for him to continue.

"I feel like he's beyond my help," Remus finally said.

He looked at Michael, who had become a very attractive man. Tall and lean with kind eyes behind square glasses. His flat was small but well-appointed with a bookshelf that had actual books on it. _Books!_ Not liquor bottles of varying states of emptiness. Michael was looking at him.

"I don't want to ask," he said.

"Ask what?" replied Remus.

"If you're going to go back to him."

Remus couldn't answer. His heart ached for that Sirius he fell in love with. The one who was with him when his mother got sick and died, whose barking laugh lit up the Gryffindor common room, who could never miss a chance to use that Black charm to get out of detention. He didn't know if that Sirius existed anymore.

"That's why I didn't want to ask," Michael said.

Remus sighed.

"It's not that I want to get back together with him," Remus said. "It's just that- I don't know. It's hard to say right now. Everything's such a mess."

An owl tapped on the window, and Michael went to let it in. The letter was for Remus.

"It's from James," said Remus.

"James?" asked Michael with a smile. "How many boyfriends do you have?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"James Potter. I know you remember him," said Remus.

"Oh," he replied. "Yes, of course. I suppose he'll be asking on you for Black then."

The letter was simple and predictable: James was worried, but Sirius was in a right state. They couldn't keep him under control, and James looked to Remus to fix the situation. _Not this time_, thought Remus. _This time he fixes himself._

"Well? Heading out now?" asked Michael, his voice dejected.

"Not yet."

SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

"Sirius," said a voice.

He groaned and rolled over.

"Sirius, mate, this is getting ridiculous," the voice prodded.

Sirius covered his head with a pillow.

"Sirius, do you realize you've got a woman in your bed?" shouted the voice, and this time the words were accompanied by several hot sparks from the intruder's wand.

"OUCH!" Sirius snapped, sitting upright. "That bloody hurt!"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" James cried. "Who the hell is this?"

A lovely and very hungover-looking girl was climbing out of his bed, holding a sheet around herself. Sirius's stomach sank, and he immediately bolted to the bathroom and threw up. When he walked out, James was looking pointedly away, and Sirius realized he needed to put on some shorts.

"You'll call?" asked the girl.

"He's gay," spat James.

She giggled.

"No he's not," she said.

"Yes, he bloody is, and his boyfriend's heart would break if he saw this," James said, looking at Sirius with a solemn expression.

The girl looked from one man to the other before fleeing the room. James started cleaning the room with a wave of his wand: empty beer and liquor bottles, two champagne glasses (though one was broken) and a half finished bottle of champagne, a few unidentified substances, and cigarette butts littering the floor. James cast a spell at a nasty looking cigarette burn on the rug, but it wouldn't budge.

"Have to get Lily after that one," James said, and he sighed. "What's going on here? Who was that?"

"Dunno," mumbled Sirius.

"So Remus is gone a few days and you're on a binge? Drinking more than Puddlemere United after a win? Turning Remus's flat into a rubbish bin and fucking some bird in his _bed_? Merlin, Sirius, did you even use protection?" James said angrily, and Sirius shrugged. "What if you got her fucking pregnant? Wouldn't that be a great thing to tell Remus when he gets back? Oh, hello, Remus dear, you're going to be a stepfather?"

"So he's not come back yet?" asked Sirius.

"No, and it's bloody well good that he hasn't! Seeing you like this? Lily thinks I should just drop you and be done with it after what you've pulled, and I'm half inclined to do it!" shouted James.

Sirius didn't respond.

"You're like my _brother_, Sirius, and it _kills_ me to see you like this. I'm not going to lie and say I love thinking about you shagging another bloke, another bloke who's my friend much less, but I'd rather that than you fucking any random girl you meet on a drunken binge at a bar!"

"Are you going to tell him?" asked Sirius.

"What?"

"When Remus gets back," he continued. "Are you going to tell him what I did?"

"I should," James spat.

"You should," he said resignedly.

Sirius collapsed onto the bed which smelled like spilled beer and cigarette smoke. He felt the beginnings of tears leaking from his eyes, but he wiped them away embarrassedly.

"Have you heard from him?" asked Sirius. "Do you know where he is? Is he all right?"

"He's in better shape than you," James said, venom in his voice.

Sirius looked at him, and James took a deep breath.

"He's staying with a friend. Some bloke from school," said James.

"Michael O'Malley," said Sirius.

"That's him," James replied.

"Figures."

James didn't say anything.

"Nothing good ever happens to me. My parents, my brother, my entire family all hate me, and now Remus does too, and he's gone back to his bloody Ravenclaw boyfriend," Sirius continued.

"This isn't on anyone but you, Sirius," James said angrily. "You're the one who brought this on yourself. Don't try to blame Remus, or your parents, or your family, because this is _your_ fault."

"Thanks, that makes me feel loads better," he replied, rolling his eyes.

"Yea, and since it's your fault, you've got to be the one to fix it," said James.

"It's too late."

"It isn't."

Sirius and James stared at each other for a long time. Sirius still felt nausea roiling in his stomach, his face was starting to sweat and his hands were beginning to shake. The whole situation was stressful. He wanted a drink. He glanced at the half finished bottle of champagne on the night table.

"Don't," said James. "You'll lose him forever."

Sirius paused.

"You either grab that bottle, start drinking, and spend the rest of your life in a shithole with no friends and no one who loves you," offered James, "or you take a fucking shower and go get Remus back."

With that, James turned and left the room. Sirius took a deep breath. He stared at the cigarette burn on the rug.

"_Nulaburo_," he whispered.

The burn mark disappeared.


	25. Withdrawal

"I'm going to fucking die, James," said Sirius.

He was clammy, shaking, and sweating. Lily was brewing yet another potion in the kitchen while James vanished the contents of the bucket next to the sofa into which Sirius had just vomited. Again. He hadn't realized how serious his situation had gotten until he tried to stop drinking. It was barely after lunch when the physical symptoms began to set in, and he headed straight for James and Lily's. It had officially been 48 hours since the last time he drank or took anything illegal. He was freezing, then he was boiling. He was exhausted, then he was hyperactive. He kept seeing the patterns on the wallpaper move of their own accord, and James continually had to assure him that everything was fine.

"You aren't going to die," said James, grabbing the latest potion from Lily and helping Sirius down it. "This won't last forever."

"It'll last until I die," Sirius said, his hand still trembling.

"Try to keep this one down," said James as Sirius drained the last drops.

Lily sat down on the floor beside the couch and wiped Sirius's forehead with a cool rag. It felt good, and the potion took the edge off his symptoms, but he still couldn't help but feel that an impending doom was weighing him down. He just kept reminding himself that this was for Remus, that it wouldn't last forever, that it was important. He felt another wave of pain and nausea roll over him.

"James, just fucking kill me," said Sirius in a strangled voice, burying his face in the pillow. "Please just Avada Kedavra me right now."

"You can do this," said James.

"You're doing wonderfully," cooed Lily softly.

Half of him wanted Remus there with him to help him through it, but the other half was too embarrassed and ashamed of what he'd become. How had the occasional binge at a Halloween party turned into this?

He vomited into the bucket again and another fit of shaking took him. The room began to spin. He vaguely recognized Peter coming over to check on him. When was the last time he'd seen Peter? Months? Maybe it was just a hallucination. Lily alternated between keeping his face cool and brewing potions to help him get through it. James just sat patiently by his side, offering words of encouragement and a clean bucket to throw up in. He tried to thank them both, but the words couldn't form coherently in his mouth. His thoughts lingered on Remus. Where was he? What was he doing while Sirius suffered so gravely?

SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

He was three glasses of wine into dinner at Michael's flat, just enough to keep a bit of a buzz. They were flirting; Michael's advances had gotten braver as the days went on, and Remus was very cautiously returning them. His thoughts still drifted to Sirius often. At the end of the night, with the wine making him daring, he allowed Michael to kiss him. It was sort of like dusting off your favorite book from your youth and reading again with fresh, adult eyes. Familiar and comforting, and totally different now that life has changed your perspective, forcing you to look at everything in a different way. You remember why it was your favorite book when you were a kid.

But you know it will never be your favorite book again.

Remus pulled back. Michael's eyes were sweet but lustful. Remus faced two distinct choices, and he had no idea which he'd rather choose. Remus closed his eyes, which Michael took as a good sign, because he felt Michael's lips press against his again.

The fireplace blazed up and James Potter's voice rang through the flat.

"Can I come through?" asked James cautiously.

Remus sprang back from Michael, straightening his clothes and letting a disappointed Michael mutter his assent. James came into the room, looking a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable, but that Gryffindor courage won out. James squared his shoulders.

"You'd be really proud of Sirius," said James.

Michael groaned a bit. He stood and left the room with an eye roll, leaving James and Remus alone.

"I would?" asked Remus quietly.

James nodded.

"He hasn't touched a drink in three days," said James. "You should see what he's gone through. The withdrawal . . . he's been hallucinating and shaking and sicker than I've ever seen anyone."

Remus's heart felt like breaking. Sirius had been sick and cold and miserable, and Remus had just been having some wine with Michael O'Malley . Guilt ripped through him and he suddenly felt like he might cry.

"I didn't think he'd make it through, Remus," James continued. "I thought surely he'd either pick up the bottle again or else die before he could get clean."

Remus's heart spasmed painfully.

"But he did," James said. "He's at our house, and he's exhausted and feels like shite but he did it. I really think . . ."

James trailed off, and Remus looked up at him, waiting.

"Merlin, I really hate playing matchmaker between my two best mates," said James with a chuckle. "I really thought I was used to all this gay business, but it's a bit awkward when I'm thrown in the middle of it."

Remus laughed lightly as well.

"If you want to stay here with this Michael bloke, I won't blame you," said James quickly. "No one will. Sirius really buggered everything up. He got worse after you left-"

"Worse?"

James paused, as if he was deciding something. He opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times before shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter, Remus, because he fixed it. He did it for you," said James. "So if you ever want to give him another change, now's the time."

Remus huffed a deep breath, glancing to the kitchen where Michael was scowling and pretending to wash up dishes. James was looking at Remus imploringly.

"Remus, if you don't come back, I can't guarantee that Sirius won't-"

"Don't," said Remus gruffly. "Don't try to guilt me into it. I need to think about this, all right?"

James nodded, his lips pressed together in a line.

"All right, then," said James. "Maybe I'll see you later."

Remus nodded to him , and James disappeared into the fireplace.


End file.
